


Something Good

by madelinek



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Language, Mild Language, blackinnon, jily, maybe some smut a few chapters in, very mild recreational drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-17 19:52:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5883502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelinek/pseuds/madelinek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's seventh year, and James and Lily are Head Boy and Girl. James is trying to maybe move on while Lily is just beginning to acknowledge her feelings for him. Her best friend Marlene has... something with Sirius. Remus and Peter struggle to find their place in the world. Mostly, everyone is just struggling to find something good amidst a brewing war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waiting for My Ruca

**Author's Note:**

> J.K. owns it all. I'm just playing in the sandbox. Also, this is my first fic on AO3, so excuse any weird formatting issues I may have initially.

 

_“Lonely, that’s what I’ve been.”_

**-Waiting for My Ruca** by **Sublime**

* * *

James rolled out of the entrance at the bottom of the Whomping Willow, panting and covered in sweat; it began to cool as soon as the early morning air hit his skin. Sirius clambered out after him, laughing breathlessly in disbelief with James’ Invisibility Cloak in hand.

“I never realized how hard it is when we’re one man short,” he said to James. “What was Wormtail’s excuse, anyway?”

“Said he hadn’t slept much last night, afraid he wasn’t going to be of much use if he couldn’t keep his eyes open,” replied James. He held his hand out to help pull Sirius off of the grass. “You need to lay off the food a bit, mate. You’re quite heavy.”

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Maybe your arms are just tired from fighting off our furry friend tonight. Or maybe you’re not as committed to your Quidditch workout regimen as you make everyone think you are.”

A mock-offended look overtook James’ face. “I’ve been accused of many things, Padfoot, but never being lax about Quidditch. I—“

“Yeah, I’ve heard it a million times, Prongs. You live, breathe and eat Quidditch. You’d probably cut a hole in the quaffle and shag it if we’d let you,” Sirius interrupted.

“I resent that last bit.”

Sirius just barked out a laugh, clapping James on the shoulder as they made their way back up to the castle. James groaned in pain.

“Don’t play rough with me, tonight was rough enough as it is,” James whined.

“Can’t keep up with Moony and I without Wormtail to help out?”

“No, with it being the first night of school and all, it’s just… a lot,” he responded, sighing a little. Sirius rolled his eyes at James once again.

“I know that sigh,” he said. “That’s the ‘Lily Evans problem’ sigh. That’s the pitiful sigh I’ve heard every day of my miserable existence since fifth year—”

“Again, I resent that—” James interrupted.

“—and now you have to share a common room with her, _alone_ , and I won’t hear the end of it until after we’ve graduated,” Sirius finished, talking louder to drown out James’ protests. “Am I right, or am I right?”

“Okay, you’re right,” James snapped, then faltered when he saw Sirius recoil at his tone. “Sorry. It’s just… hard, you know? We’re friendly now, but…”

“But she still doesn’t feel that way about you, and you can’t just make your feelings magically go away,” Sirius finished for him. “Hey, I can be sensitive too, you know,” he said in response to James’ surprised expression. “I’ve also heard you talk about your feelings about Evans for the past two years.”

They stopped in front of the doors to the Entrance Hall while Sirius placed the cloak over James and himself.

“We are getting too bloody big to fit under this thing together,” Sirius commented as they walked into the castle, trying to avoid stepping on one another’s toes.

“I’ve already proposed you go on a diet, Sirius, I don’t know what else you could possibly want from me.”

After walking up several flights of stairs, they went to move in the direction of the Gryffindor common room when James stopped abruptly, the cloak almost slipping off of him completely.

“What is it?” Sirius hissed impatiently.

“We forgot, I’m not going up to Gryffindor Tower. Remember?” Sirius sighed.

“Do you want me to drop you off at the dorm and take the cloak with me?” he proposed. “I’ve got further to go than you have.”

“No, it’s alright. Lily will probably be asleep, anyway. You’re more likely to get caught without it. I haven’t got long to go, like you said.” James replied. Sirius was apprehensive; they weren’t used to having to split up on their little excursions. “Just give me the map in case Filch comes along, it’ll be alright. Suppose we’d best get used to doing it like this. We don’t have time to be stopping along every floor in the castle.”

Sirius conceded, and James slipped out from under the cloak after taking the map from him.

“Treat her well, mate,” James told the empty space where Sirius stood under its shroud of invisibility.

A hand stuck out of thin air and gave him a thumbs up before disappearing again.

James walked the unfamiliar path back to the Heads’ dorms. He supposed he’d get used to it after a few weeks. The dorms were not all that different from the ones he’d stayed in at Gryffindor Tower since his first year. Dumbledore had even informed him, with a little glint in his eyes, that the same rule applied to the staircase to the Head Girl’s dorm. James, despite himself, had blushed a bit when the Headmaster had brought it up. Not that he would’ve tried to get up there, anyhow; Evans would hex him the minute she thought he was trying to intrude on her privacy without her permission.

_She might give you permission now_ , James thought to himself before shaking his head. _No, we’re just friends. Friendly friends who are friendly. No romantic-like things involved. No hand holding, cuddling, kissing…_

He arrived at the Heads’ dorms before that train of thought led him to a cold shower.

“Pygmy puff,” he whispered to the old wizard in the portrait guarding the entrance. “What a stupid password,” he added to himself.

Apparently, the old wizard heard him.

“Oi, well you’re the one who’s in this late, aren’t you? Quite stupid yourself! You young wizards these days have no respect for—”

“Just open the door, please,” James cut him off tiredly. “I’m not in the mood to argue with a portrait tonight.” The portrait swung out of the way with a huff from the old wizard.

The first thing he saw as he walked in was Lily Evans spread out on the longest couch in the common room, her red hair spilling over the edge due to the crooked angle at which her head was resting. James’ chest felt tight, like his heart was threatening to burst straight from its cavity right out onto the floor. This is what he would be coming back to for the rest of the school year. He would have to suffer through her looking absolutely adorable and resist making any sort of move on her if he wanted some semblance of a relationship with the girl.

She jerked awake when his foot caught on the edge of a rug adorning the carpet next to the couch; he must’ve subconsciously been moving closer to her.

“Potter? What time’sit?” Lily’s words slurred together as she woke from what seemed like a short nap.

“Er…” James looked down at the watch on his wrist and cringed. “Half-past five.”

“In the morning?!” she asked incredulously, rising from her place and wincing at the crick that was no doubt in her neck from sleeping in such a position. “What the hell were you doing out at this hour?”

“I could ask the same,” James stated, attempting to evade the question. He should’ve known Lily would see right through that.

“No, you couldn’t, I’ve been in the dorm. You’ve been… Merlin knows where,” she replied. “Already, James, really? You can’t get detention on the first day of school anymore, you’re Head Boy.”

“I wasn’t doing… that,” he trailed off weakly.

“Then what were you doing?” Lily said, confused. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and really got a good look at him. She gasped.

“James! What did you do to yourself?”

“What?” he asked dumbly.

“You expect me to believe you weren’t out causing trouble when you come in bleeding from your side? James, that looks like a lot of blood…”

He looked down at himself and saw the side of his gray t-shirt darkened with what was most definitely his blood. Now that she mentioned it, he was feeling a little lightheaded. _Why hadn’t Sirius noticed that? Oh, that’s right, because I told him Lily would be asleep and here she is, awake and staring at me…_

He swayed and Lily jumped up to help him take her place on the sofa. Little black spots dotted his vision and he blinked them away as she knelt in front of him.

* * *

Lily pulled up James’ shirt to examine his wound. Although when he became ‘James’ and not ‘Potter,’ she wasn’t sure. Her mouth fell open at the three gashes that were quite deep on his flank. Blood was flowing out of each; not quickly enough to rush him off to Madame Pomfrey and risk him getting into trouble for whatever happened here, but enough for her to be shocked he had walked so many flights of stairs without passing out.

He hissed in pain when she put her fingers too close to one of the openings, and she retracted her hand quickly.

“James, what did you do? Is this an enchanted wound of some kind? Can I fix this with a simple healing spell?” She fired off the questions at him one after the other, and he huffed out a laugh before wincing and no doubt regretting the chuckle he had let escape.

“A healing spell and some dittany should clear it up in a few hours,” James said, as though it was a process he’d performed a million times before. “I’ve got some dittany up in my case in my dorm. I’d get it, but I don’t know that I can make it up there at the mo’,” he said lightly, as though joking would make Lily feel better about the situation. She scoffed at his attitude.

“I’m going to get it and fix you, but we are going to talk about this, Potter,” she demanded, pointing her finger in his face before turning on her heel and up the stairs to his dorm room. In his blood-loss-induced drowsiness he couldn’t be bothered to remove his eyes from her arse as she walked away.

Lily looked about James’ dorm; it was just as tidy as hers was, seeing as neither of them had really set foot in the dorms (other than to drop off their cases) since they got to the castle that morning. His case was already opened at the foot of his bed, and she slid to the ground and began rifling through his items quickly to find the dittany. She blushed deeply when she had to dig through a whole layer of his boxer shorts. Her hand stopped and rested of its own accord on a particularly catching maroon and gold pair that would look great under his Quidditch uniform.

_Why are you thinking about what’s under his Quidditch uniform at a time like this?! Or at all? Get yourself together, Evans!_ She snatched her hands away from the boxers and kept searching.

“Aha!” she cried to herself, raising the dittany into the air in triumph before bounding back down the stairs to James’ prone form. His eyebrows were scrunched up in pain, and he was breathing gingerly so as to not disturb the cuts any further. He had taken his shirt off completely while she’d been upstairs; it was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor next to the couch.

“How are you feeling?”

“Never better,” he said sarcastically.

“Oi, I’m helping you, aren’t I? Don’t be a prat,” she told him, uncapping the bottle of dittany and applying it to the cuts none too gently. He cried out briefly before clamping his mouth shut.

“Fuck,” he let out, gritting his teeth.

Lily wanted to make a smart remark to him, but she was actually quite worried. The scratches were most certainly from an animal; definitely a large one with sharp claws. If she didn’t know better, she’d say they were from a…

“James, are these from a werewolf?” she asked bluntly.

His eyes snapped open, and he shot up to a sitting position that made him yelp when it put pressure on his injuries.

“What? No, of course not, Evans. Why would you think that?” She gave him a look that clearly expressed how unimpressed she was by his reactions.

“Besides the fact that one of your best friends is a werewolf? I’m not an idiot, Potter. I studied about them in Care of Magical Creatures and Defense Against the Dark Arts just like everyone else did. I could rattle off the characteristics of werewolf-inflicted wounds to you, but somehow I don’t think you’d like that very much,” Lily told him.

“Remus isn’t a werewolf,” James said snidely, looking as though he was working up to getting up and storming off. She held her hand up to his chest to stop him, forcing him to lie back down so she could finish taking care of the wounds.

“Then Remus has some serious delusions about his life, because that’s straight from the horse’s mouth.” James stared at her as she grabbed her wand and began the healing spell. “Also, I never said Remus, so even if I didn’t know before, now I would definitely know you’re lying.”

James’ eyes slid closed in defeat.

“Remus told you?” When his eyes opened back up again, Lily was surprised at the hurt in them. “He never told me that you knew.”

“I had my suspicions, but I didn’t know for sure until I was in the hospital wing after one full moon,” she admitted. “I confronted him. Told him it didn’t matter to me, and that he was incredibly brave for having to live with that condition, what with the state of how society treats people like him. He broke and told me.”

“How long?”

“About two years. Sev… Snape always had his suspicions, as well, but I never asked Remus because I knew that Snape would want the truth if I knew, even if I was still friends with him. After fifth, well, you know what happened. It wasn’t too long after that.”

James refused to look her in the eye; no doubt remembering that day by the lake just as she was.

“Snape is a git, and he needs to keep his greasy nose out of our business.”

Lily put her wand down, finished with the spell. “I know. I really do. But that’s not the point here. James, you can’t go running around with Remus in his werewolf form. It’s not safe, even if he is your friend. He probably has no idea who you are when he’s in that state.”

“I can take care of myself, Evans. Don’t you fret your pretty head over little old me,” James told her, that crooked grin overtaking his face. It made her want to punch him in the wounds that were currently trying to heal themselves. Also maybe kiss the smile right off his smug face.

_Wait, what?_

“Thank you for this, anyway,” he said, sliding up into a sitting position and grabbing his shirt off of the ground before standing up. “And thank you for not telling anyone. You know, about Remus’… furry little problem.”

“Furry little problem?” Lily had to grin at his phrasing. “That’s a bit of an understatement, I think.” James shrugged.

“It makes him laugh.”

She didn’t have a response to that. It was already clear that James would go to any lengths to help his friends, even if that meant getting mauled to death by one of them. It was at that point she noticed that James still did not have a shirt on and he was _fit_. Like, all her boyfriends throughout her time at Hogwarts had not been _that fit_. Like, he had a real-life six-pack fit. Did blokes really get that fit from Quidditch? No, she had dated other Quidditch players and they did not look like _that._ And now he was grinning at her.

_Because you’re ogling his incredibly fit but injured body, you nitwit._

She blushed furiously. He looked like he might say something else, but ultimately decided against it. He looked at his watch.

“Well, class starts in a few hours, so I’m going to bed. Thanks again, Lily,” he said, his tone deep and genuine that had Lily blushing even harder.

“Anytime,” she replied. He raised an eyebrow. “I mean, not _anytime_ , please don’t get injured like this again, but you know…”

He nodded slowly, still looking amused, before heading up the stairs to his room. Lily blew a strand of hair away from her face.

_What is wrong with you, Evans? It’s only Potter._

* * *

“You look a right state. Did you sleep at all last night?”

Lily picked her head up off the desk at the sound of Marlene McKinnon’s voice. Marlene stood with a hand on her hip, the other hand dropping her book bag to the floor of the dungeon. Lily only groaned in response to Marlene’s question.

“No, no, wait, don’t tell me. You and Potter stayed up having a wild night of partying together for your first night in the private dorms,” Marlene said, waggling her eyebrows in Lily’s direction.

“Oh, shove it,” Lily responded. “I just couldn’t sleep, is all. It’s weird not being in Gryffindor Tower.” Marlene looked put out that she and James hadn’t _actually_ stayed up all night partying together, but seemed sympathetic all the same.

“Don’t worry, Lil. I can come up some nights and we can have sleepovers together. We can even get some sweets from Honeydukes and stuff ourselves full of chocolate all night.”

“Hogsmeade visit’s not for weeks yet. How do you suppose we’ll get the sweets?”

“I have a connection,” said Marlene, waving her hand about in a nonchalant fashion.

“You mean the Marauders,” Lily replied, her eyes turning to the door of the dungeons as the men in question arrived to Potions.

“Black’s good for some things, y’know,” Marlene told her as she watched Sirius and James get closer to the desk behind theirs. “And he’s not half-bad to look at, either.”

Lily’s head whipped around to scrutinize Marlene.

“Did you just say that Black is sexy?”

“Oh c’mon, Lily, every woman with eyes and working sexual parts can see that he’s attractive.”

“I just never thought I’d see the day when you’d admit that Sirius Black is sexy—”

“For the record, I didn’t actually say the word, ‘sexy.’”

“Sexy, attractive, whatever, Marlene, it’s all the same to me.”

“Good to know,” James interrupted. “Also, who exactly is, ‘sexy, attractive, whatever’?”

“Yes, please enlighten us, Miss Head Girl,” Sirius joined in, eyeing Marlene for a moment before turning a somewhat icy gaze onto Lily. Both of the boys took a seat at the table while waiting for her answer.

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell,” Marlene answered for her, smirking at Sirius as he began to balance his chair on its two back legs.

“I didn’t take you for a proper lady, my mistake, McKinnon,” a similar smirk took residence on his face once his gaze was back on Marlene. “The way you behave on the Quidditch pitch, I quite thought you had ditched the concept of being a lady entirely.”

“It’s not my fault you get so distracted by the females in the crowd that you can’t keep your eye on the bludger, Black.”

“We both know I always come through when you really need me out there,” he shot back at her. “Besides, how could I ever let poor James down? The poor kid practically live--”

“Lives, eats and breathes Quidditch, Padfoot, ha-ha,” James fake-laughed. “Just wait until this season’s practice starts, you’re going to get it—from me, the Quidditch captain, and McKinnon, your fellow beater who is far superior—”

“What!” Sirius interjected. “Do you not remember that time when—”

Lily lost track of their conversation when Severus— _Snape_ , she still had to correct herself in her mind—walked in. His dark eyes turned to her, as if he was drawn to her the second he knew she was there. He watched as Marlene conversed with Black and Potter, and his eyes narrowed in irritation. She quickly turned away from him, only to meet James’ eyes. He had clearly seen the look on her face and swiveled to see Snape getting settled at a table with Rowle. His posture suddenly turned stiff.

“Is there a problem?” James asked Lily quietly, unheard by Marlene and Sirius, who continued to argue about their most recent Quidditch performances.

“James…” she warned him, knowing what would come next. The last thing she wanted or needed was the two of them in getting into a row because of her. Especially not when it seemed as though they had finally laid off one another in the last year or so.

“I’m not going to do anything,” he said. “He just shouldn’t be making you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable,” she assured him. “Just seeing him and not being friends with him still… throws me off sometimes.”

James nodded, but still did not look convinced.

“If he does bother you, just… really give it to him, okay? He’s a right git for treating a friend like you that way.”

Lily softened at that, and James smiled at her; there was a dimple in his left cheek that caused her heart to flutter strangely.

“Thank you,” she replied, not knowing what else to say.

“Anytime,” he said, mimicking her from that night—or rather, that morning. They were still just smiling at each other when Professor Slughorn came striding into the classroom.

“Alright, settle down, class,” his voice boomed and the students quieted down. “Quite exciting, isn’t it? This is your last first Potions class here at Hogwarts!” A few people’s expressions sobered at this proclamation. “Oh, don’t look so sad. We will have plenty of interesting classes before the year is up.”

He turned to the chalkboard behind him, waving his wand and charming the chalk to begin writing the notes for the class period.

“I know today is the first day, so I’m going to go easy on you. We’re all going to make a batch of Pepperup Potion for Madame Pomfrey to add to her stock in the Hospital Wing. I think you’re all more than capable of handling this assignment,” he was answered with most of the class sighing with relief that they wouldn’t have to start any hard lessons that day. When most of the class began to move around to get their ingredients, he stopped them. “No working with your desk partners today,” he said. “Work with the person sitting directly behind you—if I’m going easy on the material, you need to be challenged to work with people who aren’t your best friends.”

Lily groaned internally before turning to face James.

“Partner,” he greeted her, a smile lighting up his face. Sirius looked back and forth between them, a sour look crossing his features.

“Looks like I’ll be saving your arse off the pitch as well as on it,” Marlene told him, tearing his gaze away from them.

“I’ll have you know that I could brew this with my eyes closed, if I felt so inclined,” he said before getting up to move to Lily’s seat. “Shove over, Evans, hop into my seat there.”

Lily was a little off-put by Sirius’ behavior towards her; while they had never gotten along, she’d thought that had more to do with the tension between James and herself. Now that she and James were, dare she say, _friends_ , he still didn’t seem to like her very much. James didn’t seem to be bothered by his friend, however; he nodded his head in the direction of Sirius’ previous seat, indicating she should sit down.

“The view’s much better from the second row,” he said jokingly. “From the first table, all I can ever concentrate on is the fact that Slughorn’s spit is so close to flying onto my parchment.”

Thirty minutes later, done with all of the other steps, they were allowing the potion to cool in order to pour them into the vials. Lily was surprised by how adept Potter was at brewing Potions.

“Don’t look so surprised,” James said, trying to sound offended, but there was a small smile adorning his lips that made her own tip upwards.

“Was I that obvious?”

“Just a little.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose to prevent them from falling further, ruffling his hair before letting his hand fall back into his lap. His sleeves were rolled up to the elbow, the heat from their cauldron making the long sleeves of his uniform feel too stifling. When she looked back up at his face, she realized that she had followed his hand throughout the entire sequence. She felt her face heat slightly.

“It’s not that I thought you were stupid,” she quickly reassured him, trying to cover up the silence that had ensued while she was ogling his forearm. “I just didn’t think you had any interest in Potions.”

“I don’t, not really,” he admitted. “I come from a family of Potion makers. Apparently one of my ancestors laid the foundations for Skele-gro and… the Pepperup Potion, actually.”

“That’s really impressive, Potter,” Lily told him, and she meant it. She knew that Potter had come from money, but she had always assumed it was some other type of pureblood business venture.

“My dad invented Sleakeezy’s Hair Potion; he’s retired now, though.” Lily burst into a laugh.

“Your dad? _Sleakeezy’s_?”

“And why is that so funny, Evans?”

“James… look at _your_ hair. There is no way you have used a drop of that in your _entire life_.”

“Hey,” he pretended to be hurt. “I’ll have you know that a lot of people envy this mane.”

Lily burst into laughter again, but stopped when their table scooted a couple of inches, making their cauldron teeter before righting itself once more; Severus had bumped into their table as he was walking past. James had seen it also, and his face darkened. He remained seated, much to her relief, but clenched his fist and whispered, “Git,” under his breath all the same.

* * *

Marlene watched Lily, who was staring at James; or, more accurately, was staring at James and Amelia Bones. The Hufflepuff was laughing at something James said, leaning forward and placing a hand on his forearm in a manner that was clearly meant to be affectionate.

“Something on your mind, dear?” she probed Lily. She had been friends with James for a while; their families knew one another, as many pureblood families do. They were never best friends, as kids, but once they got to Hogwarts they had forged a closer bond; even more so when they both joined the Quidditch team.

“What?” Lily said, still looking at James and Amelia.

“Lily, there’s a maggot crawling around in your potatoes.”

“What?!” That got her attention. Her head whirled to her plate, her hair whipping Marlene in the face. She sputtered to get the hairs out of her mouth.

“There’s no maggot on your plate.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that, Marlene, as I have eyeballs and can clearly see that my potatoes are perfectly fine. Why would you tell me that?”

“Because you were glaring so hard at Amelia Bones that I was worried you would acquire some type of heat vision that might melt her where she stands.”

“What—that’s not—I wasn’t—” Lily stuttered, trying to settle on an answer that made her sound the least guilty.

“You can live in the land of denial for as long as you want, but I saw what I saw, Lil,” Marlene told her, reaching for the butter to put some more on her bread.

“But—”

“I actually quite approve, Lily. James is my mate and I’ve been waiting for this day for quite some time—”

“I don’t like Potter,” Lily stabbed her potatoes as she said this, making Marlene doubt the validity of that statement. “I mean sure, he’s good-looking, but—”

“Wait a minute, did I hear that correctly? You think that James Potter is good looking?”

“Yes, Marlene,” Lily said, frustrated. “It’s the same as what you were on about with Black, earlier. I saw him without his shirt on—”

“Wait, Sirius or James?”

“James, and—”

“Merlin, Lily, how did you not tell me about this?!” Marlene asked incredulously.

“It’s not a big deal, Marlene; my point is, he may be fit, but I don’t like him like _that_.”

In the midst of their conversation, James had sauntered back over to the Gryffindor table and taken a seat next to his friends. Sirius whooped and Remus high-fived him before they went back to their meals.

“Amelia is a nice girl, Prongs, she’s aspiring to work in the Ministry once she’s done with school here,” Marlene heard Remus tell him. She could tell Lily had heard, too; they both silently agreed to eavesdrop on this conversation.

“Her bum’s quite nice, as well,” Sirius added, ducking a potato that was flung from Remus’ fork into his vicinity.

“It’s just Hogsmeade, for now,” James told his friends. “But you’re right, Remus. She is nice. She’s really smart, and she wants to give it a go. Why not, right?”

Marlene sighed as she watched Lily look down at her plate, clutching her fork tightly.

“I’m sorry, Lil.”

“I don’t like Potter,” she replied, although it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than she was Marlene.

 


	2. Two Drops in the Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering about the song quotes at the beginning of the chapters - it's just a little thing I've always liked to do with my fics. The song is usually one that either inspired a scene in the chapter, generally reminds me of the stuff going on in the fic currently, or I think it's a good representation of a certain character/relationship. I'm thinking about setting up a playlist for this fic on youtube, so let me know if you guys are interested in that.
> 
> Also, fair warning - mild drug use in this chapter. If you think I should raise the rating because of this, let me know. I may raise the rating after the next chapter anyway.

_“There is a stone wall around your heart,  
_ _nothing left now to do but to start chipping away, day by day,  
_ _until we see it break apart  
_ _Hear me talking about  
_ _Let it be known, it can be done, bit by bit and one by one,  
_ _If the two of us try from both the two sides, until we see the sun  
_ _You’re phenomenal.  
_ _Two drops in the ocean  
_ _Just go with the motion, dear.”_

- **Two Drops in the Ocean** by **311**

* * *

 

Lily closed the door to the Heads’ common room behind her, flinging her book bag onto the ground with a loud smack. She loosened her tie, unfastening the top two buttons of her shirt before turning around, ready to bury herself in the squishy dark blue fabric of the sofa.

She yelped at the sight of Sirius Black lounging on the very sofa she was just daydreaming about.

“What are you doing in here?” She asked, her hand on her chest as she attempted to keep her heart from leaping right out of it.

“Waiting for James, he went for a run ‘round the pitch. Always does before tea.” His silver eyes followed her form carefully as she sat down in the armchair – she didn’t feel comfortable with sharing the same space as him, not with the animosity he seemed to emit in her presence as of recent. “Didn’t think I was coming to see you, did you?”

She ignored the small amount of malice that leaked into his tone. “I was more interested as to how you managed to get in here, actually.”

“James gave me the password.”

Lily rolled her eyes. Of course he would just give the password out to his friends, without even asking her how she felt about it. What if she had been indecent? Not that she would have any reason to be indecent in the common room that only she and James had access to. As much as it seemed he’d changed, some things had stayed the same; in this regard, he had clearly only thought of himself.

She met Sirius’ gaze when she once again felt his eyes on her. An awkward, stifling silence settled over the room like a blanket. He kept looking at her, as though daring her to concede defeat by looking away. She refused to be cowed by Sirius and whatever problems he might have with her.

“Why is this happening?” She asked him honestly, although irritably. His gaze finally strayed from her face, looking down to study his fingernails and some likely imaginary dirt underneath them.

“I don’t know what you’re on about, Evans,” Sirius responded flatly. She was about to open her mouth again when he straightened up at James entering the room.

Lily’s mouth dried up suddenly at the sight he made. His shirt was nearly plastered to his skin, sweat from his exercise soaking into the fabric and giving his skin a slight sheen. His hair was still mussed up, sticking out every direction, but covered in sweat just like the rest of his body. She felt as though her eyes were glued to his chest, watching it rise and fall more quickly than normal; it was clear he had kept up a still fairly quick pace on his way back up to the dorms.

Sirius cleared his throat loudly, and she forced her eyes up to James’ face – he looked just as surprised as she had been to see Sirius there. Maybe Sirius had lied to her about James giving him the password; she wouldn’t be surprised if he was clever enough to figure it out on his own somehow.

“Padfoot,” he greeted, his voice low and a touch out of breath. “Lily.”

Lily felt her face flush from hearing her name leaving James’ mouth in that low timbre while simultaneously looking as though he had walked out of a Muggle fitness magazine.

“Figured it wouldn’t be long before you figured out the password,” James told Sirius, running a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. “I have to admit, it actually took longer than I expected. Almost a whole month into term? You might be losing your touch.”

“I just wanted to let you… get settled in, before coming in and taking advantage of this deliciously first-year-free common room that you kids have all to yourselves,” Sirius answered, standing up from his place on the couch. “I figured I would swing by and get a tour before heading down to the Great Hall.”

Lily felt as though she had become invisible during the interaction until James’ eyes flickered to her briefly.

“Er… yeah, I just need to wash up first,” he gestured at his sweaty form.

“I quite like you all sweaty. Very manly,” Sirius said. A smirk made its way onto his face, and he looked back at Lily before turning to James once again; there was a mean glint in his eye when he spoke again. “I’m sure Bones would say the same.”

Lily looked away quickly, her stomach churning uncomfortably at the mention of their classmate. James’… whatever it was they were.

“My room is just up the stairs there,” James told him, ignoring the comment about Amelia. “I’ll just be up in a minute.”

Sirius didn’t look happy at the subtle dismissal, his eyes narrowing and looking back and forth between Lily and James until he turned on his heel and made his way up to James’ dorm. Once the sound of his door closing echoed from the top of the stairs, Lily looked back up at James. His hand rose to his hair again, and she found herself following the movement; she was startled to see herself becoming entranced by the habit she once found infuriating.

“I’m sorry if he just barged in. He tends to do that.”

“He said you’d given him the password to get in,” she told him. He looked bewildered.

“I didn’t,” he said, confirming her suspicions of Sirius’ dishonesty. “Not sure why he would’ve told you that. I didn’t think you would appreciate my mates just coming in here unannounced.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You haven’t done anything.”

Silence fell over them, but it wasn’t the same unsettling kind that Lily had experienced with Sirius earlier; it was comfortable, filled with a new level of understanding that she and James had never had before. Before they had been friends, this moment would have been the perfect chance for them to spring at each other’s throats.

“Well, I’m sorry, anyway,” James said, breaking the silence. “That might be happening a lot more now that he knows how to get in. I’ll try to make sure he only comes ‘round while I’m here.”

“I didn’t realize you had a part-time job as a babysitter,” Lily joked. “Maybe I would’ve gone a little easier on you all these years.”

James huffed out a laugh, looking down at his shoes as though he was embarrassed. She felt herself smiling at the glimpse of vulnerability from him.

“Well I’m really going to wash now, before Sirius comes back down here and drags me to the Great Hall without letting me change. No matter what he says, I don’t think anyone would appreciate the sweat coming off of me right now.”

“It suits you.”

The words blurted out of Lily’s mouth before she could stop them. She felt her face heating, knowing soon it would rival the shade of her hair. When she peeled her hands away from her eyes, James looked shocked, but ultimately amused.

“What I meant was – ”

“That you find me quite dashing?” he asked cheekily. She picked up a pillow from the armchair and threw it at his head. He ducked out of its path with no problem, laughing at her feeble attempt.

“A word of advice: never try out for Quidditch, Evans. I’m afraid your performance would be abysmal. Reminiscent of Ravenclaw last term, even.”

“That’s low, Potter.”

They both continued to grin at each other until a loud banging sound emitted from James’ staircase.

“That’s my cue,” he said. Picking up the pillow Lily had loosed on him, he made his way over to where she sat and placed it into her lap. He stared at her for a short moment, a small smile still on his lips, then turned and went up to his room. Lily let out a long sigh, leaning all the way back into the armchair so that her chin rested on her chest. Hugging the pillow to herself, she closed her eyes, the image of James’ wet shirt against his broad shoulders and chest burned into the back of her eyelids.

“Oh boy,” she whispered to herself. “Okay. You’re attracted to James Potter. No big deal, right? No problem. It’s fine. We’re good here. No… nope, we’re not good here. You’re talking to yourself. Oh, Merlin.”

She pushed the pillow onto her face and groaned into it.

* * *

Sirius watched Marlene roll the cigarette paper back and forth, attempting to keep all of the sticky leaves from falling out either end.

“Why don’t you just charm the thing to roll itself?”

Marlene huffed before moving her head in to lick the joint closed.

“Some things you just need to learn without magic, on principle. I wouldn’t be such a mischievous criminal if I couldn’t do it by hand.”

“I didn’t realize you were a criminal at all.”

“Oh, shove it,” she replied, voice muffled as she talked around the joint before holding her wand up to the tip to light it. “You and Lily both refuse to acknowledge my true criminal nature.”

Sirius remained silent, watching the smoke leave Marlene’s mouth and mingle in the dark night air of the Quidditch pitch. Marlene passed the joint to Sirius, their fingers touching perhaps a moment longer than necessary. But Marlene didn’t focus on that; she was more interested with Sirius’ sudden silence at the mention of Lily Evans.

“So, what’s your problem with her, then?” Sirius shrugged, ashing off to the side before taking another hit. “C’mon, Black. I know you’ve never been friends before – ”

“We’re not friends now,” he interrupted. Marlene’s head drew back, shocked at the coldness of his response. He rolled his eyes, trying to take another hit, but Marlene snatched the white paper from between his fingers.

“First off, jerk, it’s my hit, you’ve already had two,” she told him irritably. “And secondly, was that you trying to convince me that you don’t have a problem with Lily? Because you did rather poorly if so.”

“I didn’t say I don’t have a problem with her,” Sirius snapped in reply, and again Marlene was off-put by the venom in his words. Then she rolled her eyes so hard she could have sworn they went back up into the inside of her head – Sirius was clearly afraid that Lily would get all of James’ attention now that they would be forced to work together.

“Don’t worry, Black, you’ll still get your allotted Potter-time –” she stopped, giggling. “Potter-time. Potty time. Get it?” Sirius snorted, and then they both burst into laughter. It took a few moments before they calmed down again and Marlene retrieved her train of thought. “James will still be your best friend, even if he has to spend more time with Lily.”

“That’s not what I’m pissed about.”

“Then what are you pissed about?”

“Pass that and I’ll tell you,” he said, nodding his head at the unlit joint between her fingers. “You’ve let it go out.” She handed it over to him, waiting patiently as he relit it – but probably only due to the fact that she was zoning out staring at the stars. Ten minutes passed with the joint going back and forth between them before she realized that he was just going to let her stoney mind forget about the conversation altogether.

“So? Why are you pissed at Lily?”

Sirius sighed.

“She’s been acting… strangely, around James. A bit like…” he trailed off, staring at Marlene as if he expected her to understand. She stayed quiet until he spoke up again. “A bit like she fancies him. You should’ve seen her this afternoon,” he paused, making a gagging sound. “She was right ogling him after he’d come in from his run.”

“And that bothers you?” Marlene asked, surprised. She had thought that Sirius would be over the moon about that, should it ever come to pass. “I thought you and the boys would have a right laugh over this. Lily, finally conceding to her deeply repressed feelings for Potter. I figured if anything, you’d just be happy not to hear him pine over her all day long.”

“It’s not fair, to him.” Sirius stubbed the joint out on the damp grass beneath them before continuing. “He’s asked someone to Hogsmeade already – ”

“You act like he hasn’t gone to Hogsmeade with a date since he started fancying Lily,” Marlene said, scoffing at that excuse. “He’s gone out with a few different girls. If the rumors are anything to go by, he did more than take them to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer.”

“What does that matter? He didn’t like any of them,” Sirius defended. “He won’t. He sees these other girls, but he won’t date them. He won’t commit to anyone.”

“Neither will you.”

“It’s different, and you know it,” he answered back. “You’ve known James for a long time, Mar. Longer than I have. Maybe you’re not as close as we are, but you know him well enough. You know how… deeply, he feels about things. He’ll need a relationship at some point. He wants it, now. But he won’t do anything about it because she’s holding him back.”

“So wouldn’t you want them to be together?” she asked, still confused.

“She’s said some horrible things to him.”

“Usually when he was being horrible,” Marlene replied, defending her friend just as Sirius had.

“But not always. She flings her insults around and she doesn’t think it gets under his skin,” he explained. “It does. I know it does. And now, what? She gets to take all of that back? Now, he seems like he’s giving a genuine effort to something with Bones, she comes in and has feelings for him?”

“You think she’s only getting feelings for him because he might be with Amelia now?”

“I don’t know what I think,” said Sirius, rubbing a hand over his face in frustration. “But I’m sure that James is going to be the one drawing the short end of the broomstick once it’s all over.”

“Lily is my friend, you know,” Marlene told him coldly, her voice hard. “She wouldn’t intentionally hurt him.” Sirius shot her a disbelieving look. “I mean it, Sirius. She might have said those things about him, to him, once… that’s not how she feels anymore.”

Sirius sighed in resignation.

“So she does fancy him.”

“She hasn’t admitted to anything. But I’ve seen the way she’s been acting, just as you have. She probably doesn’t even know if she fancies him.”

She shivered noticeably, so Sirius got to his feet and held his hand out to help her up.

“Come on, then. Remus will be making his way to this side of the castle now. Don’t want to get points docked.”

“As if Remus has ever docked points from you lot,” she said while grabbing his hand, her cheeks heating slightly as her body collided with his when she stood. Marlene’s feelings towards Sirius had changed recently. She felt something shifting between them, but she couldn’t put her finger on how, when or why. All she knew was that it left her feeling uncertain in his presence – something that, for her, was irritating to no end. Confident and sure, Marlene was never one to question her stance with a guy.

“Okay, Mar?”

“Yeah,” she put some distance between them. “Just stoned.”

“Right.”

The walk back to the common room was mostly silent, until they ran into Remus on the third floor.

* * *

“You smell like grass.”

Those were the first words out of Remus’ mouth when he happened upon Sirius and Marlene coming up the staircase.

“Only the freshly dewed lawn of the Quidditch pitch, my friend,” Sirius replied; the red eyes and glassed-over look gave him away.

“Which you’re not supposed to be out on at this time of night.”

“I can take care of myself, don’t worry, Moony.”

“And what about Marlene?” Remus asked, crossing his arms.

“I figured I’d leave her out there, let the thestrals have her.”

“Hey!” Marlene protested, punching Sirius on the shoulder.

“Thestrals aren’t even violent, anyway. And they only live in the forest.”

“I don’t trust anything I can’t see, regardless of where they do or don’t live.”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough,” Remus interrupted. “As much as I’d rather partake in your banter than patrol the castle, Lily’s waiting for me by the trophy room. We have to escort some first-years back to the dorm, after they’ve finished their detention with Filch.”

“Poor buggers. Catch you in the morning, yeah?”

“You and James will probably still be awake when I’m done with rounds.” Remus had lived through six years in close quarters with them; he knew firsthand that they would stay up all night, every night, if it were just the two of them.

The grin on Sirius’ face dimmed slightly.

“James isn’t in the dorm, remember?”

“Right. Takes some getting used to,” Remus said apologetically. It was strange to be without James in their dorms. He had grown accustomed to James leaving toffee wrappers all around the vicinity of his bed and tripping over a mixture of his and Sirius’ Quidditch gear. He was happy for James, getting the position of Head Boy; the new dorm was one of the perks of his hard work. Sirius didn’t quite feel the same about the position; Remus could tell he was trying to be happy for James, trying to accept the fact that he couldn’t get into as much trouble as they used to. It was still a struggle, and a touchy subject for him. He also knew that James’ close quarters with the Head Girl were bothering Sirius, as well.

“We’ll be off then, before Filch catches us,” Marlene said, grabbing Sirius’ arm and dragging him away. Remus turned to meet Lily at the trophy room.

* * *

It had become a sort of tradition for Remus and Lily to go and have tea in the kitchens once they were finished with rounds. Both prefects since fifth year, they were often paired together because they were in the same house. After one particularly boring night of patrolling, Lily had expressed a craving for a cup of tea before bed, Remus had revealed his knowledge of the kitchens – most patrols from then on involved a cup of tea and maybe a snack before heading back to their common room.

After making sure the first-years went to their respective dormitories, they went back down to the kitchens; one house-elf made sure they had everything they needed for their late night snack. Lily nibbled on the edge of her toast while Remus sipped his tea, lapsing in and out of conversation before the words Lily had been avoiding all night bubbled up her throat like acid.

“So, I don’t know if James told you…” she started, and the look on Remus’ face immediately told her that James hadn’t said a word about the night she found him bleeding in their common room. “I guess he didn’t say anything, then.”

“You haven’t said what it is, yet.”

“The last full moon…” she regretted bringing it up, wincing when Remus’ whole body seemed to stiffen at the mention of his worst night of the month. “the first night of school. James came in and he was bleeding rather badly. I pushed him to answer my questions and – ” she paused briefly when she saw his eyes widen considerably, “well, he knows that I know. That you’re a werewolf. And I thought that he was a little upset, because he didn’t know that I knew, but if he didn’t say anything then…” she put her toast down, pressing her hand to her forehead. “It wasn’t my business, probably, and it still isn’t but… Remus, it’s dangerous for them to be out there with you. I’m not fool enough to believe that it’s only James that’s been helping you with this.”

Remus stared down into his tea, looking as though he were searching his own reflection on its surface.

“What are you asking me, Lily?”

“James said that he could take care of himself…”

“So this isn’t a conversation that we need to be having,” Remus stopped her before she could continue. “If you want to know what James meant, what he’s getting up to, you need to ask him. I’m not playing the middle man between the two of you.”

Lily straightened up, taken aback by the abruptness of his response.

“This isn’t about me and Ja – ”

“Of course it isn’t,” Remus said, shaking his head with a slight grin turning his lips upwards. “I know that it’s dangerous for them to be with me during my transformation. They figured it out during our second year, and when they found a way to help me, there was no stopping them. But I gave them my permission, nonetheless. It’s my decision. I know the risks. But I’m only letting them do it because they know what they’re risking, and they want to risk it anyway, to help me. And I’m thankful for that. I don’t regret allowing them to do it.”

Lily shook her head vehemently at his defense, not wanting him to misunderstand.

“No, Remus, I didn’t mean that it’s on you, if they get hurt. But – ”

“You know what people will say if they do, and they find out I’m the cause. You’re just trying to help,” Remus said, his voice softening. He placed his hand over Lily’s. “and I appreciate it. But James, Sirius, Peter – they have each other’s backs, make sure they’re being as safe as possible. It’s not my place to tell you how, though. It’s their secret to keep, just like this one is mine; if James didn’t want to tell you, I won’t do it behind his back.”

“You’re quite a secretive bunch of lads, aren’t you?” She said with a small smile, an olive branch to smooth out any remaining tension from the conversation.

“We like to keep up an aura of mystery,” Remus joked. “Heard the ladies go wild for that sort of thing.”

“According to who?”

“ _Witch Weekly_ , of course. Sirius has a subscription, just to keep up with the interests of his current conquests.”

“Really?” Lily said in disbelief. Remus burst into laughter.

“No!” he wheezed between laughs. “Could you see Sirius Black reading _Witch Weekly_?”

Lily opened her mouth to answer, but Remus held up his hand to stop her.

“Actually, don’t answer that. There are probably a number of situations in which a person would find Sirius Black reading _Witch Weekly_.”

Lily chewed on her thumbnail, withdrawn slightly at the topic of Sirius.

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” she told Remus. He sighed in reply, stacking their empty dishes for the house elves to clean up.

“He’s just having a hard time, what with James being Head Boy. There’s some other things he’s got going on as well, with his family…”

“And he’s taking it out on me?” Lily asked, confused. “I didn’t make James Head Boy. He should take it out on Dumbledore.” She chose not to comment about his family; she knew that Remus probably wouldn’t reveal anything about Sirius’ family life without his permission.

“James spends his time doing Head Boy duties with you. He can’t really get up to much trouble with Sirius anymore,” Remus tried to explain.

“So he’s jealous of me.”

“Not exactly…” he trailed off. “Look, I don’t know. Sirius has a rotten temper when he’s working through something. He’ll come ‘round.”

“Something tells me it’s more personal than that. And something also tells me that you know that, too, you just don’t want to explain it to me.” Lily accused him lightly, but didn’t push him. “I’ll let you off, for now.”

“Thank Merlin,” Remus sighed with over-exaggerated relief. “I wasn’t sure I could take the Lily Evans-style interrogation for much longer.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately,” she admitted sheepishly.

“I don’t think you’ve ever expressed so much interest in my friends before. The change is quite staggering.”

“I’m not interested in your friends,” she said too quickly. “I mean, I am in the way I was asking you, but not – ”

“Yeah,” Remus cut her off before she could go further. “I’m knackered, going to head back up to the dorm. Are you alright to walk back up to yours alone?”

“’Course,” Lily replied, waving her hand for him to go. “See you tomorrow.”

“’Night,” he waved back before disappearing out the entrance.

Lily thanked the house elf on her way out, walking slower than normal to prolong her journey back to the Heads’ common room. If James was still awake, she would have to face him as the conversation with Remus echoed in the back of her mind – something she wanted to avoid. James had been making her thoughts jumbled lately, and she might just slip up and ask him outright to tell her everything about their adventures with Remus. With the way Remus had handled her questioning, it became clear that whatever they did to protect themselves on the full moon was more complicated than a simple spell or potion; so much so that they felt a need to guard the secret with as much vigor as they guarded Remus’s. She didn’t feel comfortable asking James to reveal something so personal to her – and she was sure he wouldn’t reveal it to her so easily. She would just have to figure it out on her own.

* * *

James huffed, running a hand through his hair in frustration at the new Quidditch team prospects. It was his second year as Captain, last year at Hogwarts, and he was determined to see Gryffindor win the Cup. Their Seeker from last year had graduated and left him with an opening for the position. It was beginning to feel like a gaping hole in his team that would never be filled.

“We can’t win without a Seeker, mate,” Sirius told him, leaning back and resting his elbows on the bench behind them. “You have to pick somebody.” They sat up in the stands, looking down at the field after was, in James’ honest opinion, a rather miserable excuse for Quidditch tryouts. Sirius and James still wore their practice clothes while Remus and Peter donned their uniforms, sans robes.

“What am I going to do?” James moaned.

“What about Chris Levin? He maneuvered his way around the bludgers better than I expected,” Peter noted. “He could be a good choice. Fifth year, as well. At least you’d know the team would have some good players left after you lot graduate and McGonagall loses the best team she’s had in years.”

“He’d make a better Beater,” Remus said. “He’s not quick enough to be a Seeker.”

“Regina’s quite quick,” Sirius suggested.

“She’s too good of a Chaser,” James shot him down. “I need her out there with me.”

They all lapsed into silence, recalling all of the new and returning players. Remus pulled a handful of sugar mice out of his pocket, passing them around to the rest of the Marauders.

“I’m not sure if I should be thankful or afraid,” Peter commented as he eyed the charmed candy scurry around his palm. “Are you trying to warn me ahead of time about what’s going to happen on the next full moon?”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“You’re a rat, Pete. This is a mouse.”

“Too close for comfort,” Peter mumbled under his breath.

“Do you not want it, Wormtail? Because I’ll have it back and eat it myself.” Remus made a grab for it, but Peter pulled away from his grip and took a bite out of the sugar.

“Why not just make Marley the Seeker?” he asked in between nibbles. James and Sirius’ heads whipped around to look at him. “What? You’ve seen how fast she is. James said Levin would make a good Beater. Why not just have him take her place?”

“Merlin, Pete!” James exclaimed, jumping to his feet and kissing Peter on the cheek soundly despite his loud protests. “Yes! Best idea, oh, Wormtail, you little genius.”

His words came to a halt when he saw Sirius’ face had fallen slightly.

“You’re not going to be sore about this, are you?”

“It’s fine,” Sirius replied, but his voice said otherwise. “It’s what’s best for the team, right?”

“You know I wouldn’t split you up if I didn’t have to,” James told him sympathetically. “I know she likes being Beater more than Seeker. It’s what she tried out for. She hasn’t even agreed to it, yet.”

“She will,” Sirius said roughly. He gathered up his protective gear and stood. “I’m headed back up, I need to shower.”

“Padfoot,” James weakly protested, but Sirius had already begun to make his way down the stands back to the ground. He sighed, turning to Peter and Remus. “I’m not wrong here, am I?”

“He’s just having a rough go of it,” said Remus. “Everything is changing.”

“Of course it’s changing,” James’ voice was snide as he stuffed his own gear into his bag. “It’s our last year. We’re about to be done with school, out in the real world where – might I add – everything is going to shite and we’ll probably be the ones cleaning it up.”

“I think that’s part of the problem,” Remus put his hand on James’ shoulder, stopping his movement. “He’s not going to stay mad about this, Prongs. He knows that Marlene will do a better job than anyone else you have lined up. But I think you should talk with him – it’s strange not having you around as much.” The conversation he and Lily had a few nights before resonated in the back of his head, but he held his tongue. The last thing he needed to do was give James fuel for a fight by telling him Sirius had been making his dislike for Lily so apparent.

“Sirius can solve his own emotional issues,” said James after a moment of taking in what Remus said. “If he has a problem with me, he can come out with it on his own.”

“C’mon, Prongs,” Peter joined in. “Sirius would never become Head Boy but – in an alternate universe far away from here, where he had become Head Boy instead of you, you would feel the same way – ”

“I would be happy for my friend!” James protested.

“Sirius is too, and you know it. But let’s face it – you would feel left out. It’s our last year, and you two had all sorts of plans in mind on how to go out with a bang.”

“We can still do that. Just because I’m Head Boy doesn’t mean I’m dead and given up on all forms of fun and debauchery.”

“We know,” Remus reassured him. “Sirius does, too. But you’ve been busy and the only time we’ve gotten up to anything was the last full moon. Considering how often we did before you became Head…”

“Alright,” James conceded, holding up his hands in defeat. “I get it, I do. Bloody hell, I thought you said I wasn’t wrong here. What am I getting a lecture for?”

“Not lecturing,” Peter said while picking up his school bag.

“Just making a suggestion,” Remus finished for him.

James grunted in acknowledgment, looking out at the pitch one last time before starting down the steps, followed by Remus and Peter. After he cleaned up he would have to search the Map for Marlene.

* * *

“What’s got your wand in a knot, then?” Marlene plopped down next to Sirius in the common room. Sirius looked away from the fire at the sound of her voice. Her dark hair was up in a ponytail, loose bits frizzing out all over the place. His mood lifted slightly in her presence, but only to return when he thought of her new position on the team.

“You talked to our Captain yet?”

“James? No, I haven’t seen him since tryouts earlier. I didn’t see him at dinner,” she answered. “What, did he kick you off the team or something? He’ll be right sorry about that, if he did. He’ll certainly have some new, interesting bludger-shaped bruises, anyway.” Sirius smiled lightly at that, and Marlene nudged his arm and scooted closer to him.

“He’s got his eye on a new Seeker.”

“I hope it’s someone good, because we are not losing the Cup our last year. Who’s he gotten?” Sirius just stared at her in answer. “That bad? Oh, Merlin.”

“No, idiot, it’s you.”

Her eyes widened considerably, nearly bugging out of her head. Sirius would have laughed if he didn’t absolutely detest the thought of learning to be partners with Levin instead of Marlene.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m Sirius,” he said, although the pun lacked the humor he normally delivered it with. She punched his arm. “You walked into that one, Mar.”

“He hasn’t said anything to me,” she told him, confused.

“Head duties, I reckon,” He rolled his eyes. “All he ever has time for these days.”

“Maybe he changed his mind?”

“He won’t,” Sirius sighed. “You _are_ the best one for the position, as of now.”

“Well, gee, thanks,” she scoffed.

“No, you’re great, Marlene,” Sirius corrected. “It’s just… now I have to train with Levin, who has never been on the team before and – ”

“That’s what you’re upset about? That we won’t be a team anymore?” She gasped, grabbing his arm and hugging it to her chest while laying her head on his shoulder. “Sirius Black, admitting to missing a woman in his life? Oh, how so many girls would kill to be me!”

“Bugger off,” he tried to sound annoyed, but her dramatics made him grin through it. She didn’t release his arm or move her head, though, and Sirius found himself sinking into her. He didn’t… cuddle, generally. He hated clingy girls, but Marley wasn’t one of them. She was one of his mates, same as the Marauders. He refused to acknowledge the way he felt more comforted by her touch than he would be by theirs, however.

“I’ll miss us too,” she squeezed his arm in reassurance. “But we’re still on the same team.”

“I know, I know.” Sirius looked back to the fire, but Marlene grabbed him by the jaw and forced him to look at her.

“And if you let one single bludger hit me, I will hold it against you for the rest of your life, just so you know.”

“If you get hit by a bludger, it’s your own bloody fault. A Seeker has never been hit one time since I’ve been on the team.”

“Since _we’ve_ been on the team. Now you’ve got Levin to hold you back.” She regretted the joked when she saw the way the small grin on his face fell. “I’m only joking, Black. Levin’s quite good – he was one of the best out there today.”

He nodded in agreement, but the smile didn’t return.

Sirius had the ability to look so graceful and stoic when he was moping, Marlene thought. He was no doubt one of the most handsome, if not the most handsome boy in the school. Some of the younger girls would even flock about the locker room after Quidditch matches, hoping to catch a glimpse of him (or James) shirtless – they were absolutely entranced by the intense concentration that transformed him during the game; she had once overheard one girl telling her friends that Sirius looked his best when he was out on the field, ready to take on the world. Marlene knew better, though; Sirius was at his most beautiful when he laughed, a grin that reached his eyes and lit up his whole face with happiness. She figured Sirius would agree, if they could ever talk about that sort of thing without it being a massive joke – she doubted he would ever think the traditional Black stoicism looked good on him.

“Are you going to Hogsmeade anytime soon?” she asked, if only to bring herself out of her spiraling thoughts on Sirius’ good looks.

“Asking me out, McKinnon? I’m charmed.” _There_ was that smug grin she missed.

“Shove it.” He yelped when she flicked his ear _hard_. “You know what I mean. My sweet stash from last year’s run out, and I’m not patient enough to wait all the way until the first weekend.”

“A favor, then.” He pulled his arm out of grasp before flinging it around her shoulders. “And what do I get out of this?”

“I won’t tell literally everyone in the entire school that you wore a dress for three whole hours at the Potter’s Christmas Party two years ago.”

“Marley!” Sirius screeched, before lowering his voice. “I lost a bet! How was I supposed to know James really _could_ chug Firewhiskey for fifteen seconds?”

“We know that, but no one else does.”

“Fine, I’ll get you your candy. But you’re a right wench, I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“I’m quite good looking.”

“I had noticed that, yeah.”

They sat grinning at each other, Sirius’ arm still over her shoulders, until another voice calling for Marlene made them break their gaze. Sirius stood when he saw a certain redhead walking towards them.

“That’s my cue to leave,” he told her. “Got to inform the Captain we now officially have a new Seeker.”

She waved him off, watching him until he exited the portrait hole. Lily took his place beside her.

“You look happy,” she said to Marlene.

“Yeah,” she answered. “Just talking Quidditch. Apparently I’ve got a new position.”

Lily squealed, congratulating her on becoming Seeker – it was nice, for someone to be excited after Sirius had been so bummed about it. Without him beside her, however, she could admit it disappointed her a little, too. She would miss being so in sync with him on the field.

But she didn’t tell Lily that.

* * *

Lily sat in her nightclothes, a t-shirt and shorts, at the table in the Heads’ common room, working on an essay for Muggle Studies. Although there wasn’t much she didn’t know about the muggle world, at least from a wizard’s perspective, she thought it would be interesting to take the class to do just that – see her world from the wizarding world’s perspective. She was surprised to find that she had actually learned more than she expected to; the class covered muggle-wizard relations as well as the mundane things (or so she thought) about the muggle world. That was something she actually hadn’t known very much about; it wasn’t mentioned in many history books of the wizarding world. She was also surprised to find James Potter taking the class – he came from a well-known Pureblood family; there was really no reason for him to know about that world, or so she had thought.

“Studying hard, Evans?”

She jumped at the sound of James’ voice just behind her chair. Had she summoned him just by thinking about him? Looking up, she saw his lopsided grin lighting up his face before he sat down in the chair next to hers.

“Just starting on the essay for Muggle Studies,” she gestured to the parchment in front of her. “Have you started?”

“I have, actually,” he answered, surprising her. “I started it in Potions yesterday.”

“Instead of paying attention to the actual subject at hand?”

“Slughorn just can’t hold my attention, I’m sorry,” James laughed. “I think it might be his robes. Or maybe his face. Either way, he just puts me off.”

She had to chuckle at that.

“I’ll admit, his robes can be quite unsightly.” She put her quill down and turned to him. “What’s your essay about?”

“Trying to copy off of me?” he asked cheekily. She glared at him. “Only joking, of course, Evans. I know you would never cheat off of anyone, _ever_. I’m actually…” he cleared his throat. “Er, I’m actually writing about my grandfather and his role in muggle-wizard relations during World War I.”

“I didn’t realize your family had history with the Ministry.”

“Yeah. Henry Potter – that was my grandfather – he served on the Wizengamot during World War I,” James explained, sounding almost shy when talking about his family.

“Wow. It must be so interesting, having your family history go so far back in the wizarding world,” Lily said honestly. She had read about much of their world’s history, but to have family that had actually lived it – well, that was something she would never have.

“It has its downsides, but yeah, my Granddad Harry was a pretty good guy, from what I understand.” Lily frowned.

“You never met him?” James shook his head.

“He passed before I was born. My parents had me late in life… they didn’t even think they could have kids until I came along.”

“Miracle child?” She joked.

“Well, of course,” he grinned at her, “Couldn’t you tell before? I quite thought everyone around here thought I was a miracle to mankind.” She shook her head at him.

“So, what exactly did your Granddad do during the war?”

“Well, the Minister at the time – ”

“Archer Evermonde?”

“That’s the one,” he confirmed, then shook his head. “Only you would know that, Evans.” She swatted at his arm, but he pulled away after her first hit landed. “Hey!”

“History is important, you know,” she scolded.

“I know, Merlin, what are we talking about right now? Anyway, Evermonde forbade the magic community from helping muggles during the war. Some might’ve said he did it to protect wizards and witches – our magic doesn’t work well with muggle artifacts, as you probably already know. At least not without figuring out how the two can work together, first.” He ran a hand through his hair. “With the weapons the muggle world had developed then, you can see how this might pose a problem. Wizards don’t know how to defend themselves from that sort of thing.”

“You should see what they’ve got now,” Lily warned. “Makes what they had then seem pale in comparison.” James shuddered.

“Muggle innovation has always impressed me – and scared me a little, if I’m honest. But anyway, my Granddad was outraged. He knew these people needed help. Even if they weren’t wizards, thousands were dying and he thought if wizards could help, they should. We’re all human. He publicly condemned Evermonde for being such a prat, which was highly controversial, obviously. Issues of blood purity were prevalent, even then. A lot of people thought that helping muggles was beneath them.”

Anger simmered in Lily’s gut at the thought – it came to a boil when she thought of how many wizards and witches today, some even her classmates, probably still felt that way. James placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I know what you’re thinking. It’s not so different now, is it?” His hand slid from her shoulder back into his lap. “I guess that’s why I look up to him so much, why I wrote the essay about him. He stood up for what was right, what he believed in. I will, too.”

The words cooled her anger almost instantly, replaced with a quiet affection for the boy in front of her.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, sincerely.

“What for?” He looked confused.

“For… well, you know. Not everyone is so outspoken about blood equality, and with you being a Pureblood I’m sure – ” James scoffed at the word, interrupting her.

“’Pureblood’,” he spat, like the word tasted disgusting in his mouth. “Any family who defines themselves by that term is filthy. You know how families like that stay Pureblooded? Generations of arranged marriages and inbreeding, and where does it get them? They produce more squibs than muggles do, yet they think they’re better than everyone else. Fuck their ‘Sacred 28’ bullshit.”

“Sacred 28?” Lily asked. She had never heard the term. James rolled his eyes so hard she worried they would roll right out of his eye sockets.

“Some list Pureblood fanatics made years ago,” he explained. “It’s a list of the longest-running Pureblood families to date. Most of the families who made the cut wear it like a badge of honor; for the most part, it’s really just a list of who you know to avoid.”

“It’s still legitimately recognized?”

“With the amount of Pureblood fanatics still around? You bet. Sirius’ family probably has the damn thing framed on a pedestal at Grimmauld Place.” Lily had to admit she was intrigued at the mention of Sirius’ family; as a muggleborn, she didn’t really know much about the known Pureblood families or what their culture entailed. She certainly hadn’t thought that Sirius had come from a family like the one James seemed to be describing.

“Black’s family is on the list?” James looked at her incredulously, surprised she didn’t know, but then shook his head as if to clear it.

“Sorry,” he said. “I forget that you don’t know a lot of this type of history. Yeah, the Blacks are probably one of the most notoriously ancient, closed-minded families of the bunch. Sirius was the first in his family to not be sorted into Slytherin. And the Sorting Hat didn’t even think twice about it.”

The statement made Lily begin to wonder who Sirius Black really was.

“I take it that didn’t go over well,” she prompted, silently hoping James would reveal more.

“Yeah, he actually – ” James voice broke, as if he was thinking back on something horrible. “They kicked him out over the summer. And he and his brother don’t get on…”

“I didn’t even know he had a brother,” Lily said before backtracking. “That must have been awful, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for me.” James’ voice was gruff.

“I know, but he’s your friend, and it can’t be easy to see him go through something like that. He’s staying with you, I’m guessing?” James nodded an affirmation, then cleared his throat.

“Heavy small talk, eh?” he joked, but it fell flat.

“Seems a lot of conversations head in that direction these days,” Lily agreed. James grabbed her elbow gently, his callouses tickling against her skin.

“There are a lot of tossers in our world,” James began, “and I’m sorry for that. You get blessed with these powers, thrown into this world that you don’t know anything about, and there are people who would punish you for that. It’s mindless and stupid, but people will do it anyway. Just know that I – me, my mates – we aren’t those tossers. And we’re going to do what we can about all of this mess when we get out of here.”

Lily’s eyes misted over, and she swallowed hard over the lump in her throat. She would not cry in front of James Potter. Even if he was being extremely genuine and heartfelt and wonderful.

“Well, if you think you’re doing it alone, you’re crazy,” she told him, her voice watery. He smiled, squeezing her elbow.

“I never had a doubt, Evans. I’m sure you’ll be right there next to us.” His hand dropped from elbow and he stood, stretching his arms behind his head. Lily looked away from his elongated torso, not wanting to get sucked in like she had before. “I’ll let you get back to your essay.”

He walked over to his staircase. His foot touched the bottom step when he turned to look back at her one last time.

“G’night, Evans.”

“Goodnight, James.”

His lips ticked upwards when she used his first name, before turning again and making his way up to bed.

Lily looked back down at the parchment, forcing herself to read the words she had already written. She refused to linger on why a small part of her hoped that James’ smile had stayed on his face until he went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moly, this chapter got away from me; it's like double the length of the first one. Sorry it's been a few weeks since an update - it'll probably be a couple of more weeks before the next one, as I have midterm exams coming up. Also, I know I kind of neglected Peter again in this chapter, but he'll have a more active role in the next one. Some other fun things: I'm picturing James as Bob Morley and Marlene as Lindsey Morgan. If you watch The 100, you know what it is. I think I read somewhere that Marlene might be blonde, but I don't care. This fic's Marlene is not. I'll probably give you guys more little "fic-canon" tidbits at the ends of the chapters, as I like to call it. Just little bits and pieces, rules of the world in my fic, etc. I'm gonna shut up now byeeeeeeeeee reviews and kudos always appreciated :)


	3. Ceiling of Plankton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut (light smut I guess?) in this chapter, so beware. It starts after the drinking game scene, so if you're not interested, skip it I guess, but it's sort of integral to the plot that you know who's sleeping with who. And this is my first time writing and publishing smut so please be gentle.  
> ALSO apologies in advance for you know, unresolved sexual tension and drama................

_"I'll give you all my guts_  
_You make me still_  
_You make me blush_  
_You make me go out my own mind."_  
- **Ceiling of Plankton** by  **Givers**

* * *

 

Lily sucked on the end of her quill, curled up on a chair in front of the hearth where the fire still burned. Normally, she reveled in a quiet space, but she couldn’t help but wonder where James had gotten off to. It was getting late, close to curfew, and she knew that he didn’t have patrols tonight – they had made the schedule together weeks ago. She told herself that she was simply afraid that he might be out causing trouble with the rest of the so-called _Marauders_ , that she was worried he might do something to jeopardize his position as Head Boy.

Not that she cared, really.

Well, she could admit to herself that she did care. A little bit. But she was most definitely _not_ worried that he might be in an empty classroom or broom cupboard somewhere fooling around with Amelia Bones. It wasn’t her business who Potter chose as his new conquest. It would look ridiculous if either the Head Boy or Girl were caught snogging in a broom cupboard; that was the only reason she might have any sort of feelings about a private scenario between the Prefect and Head Boy. She tried to imagine what it might look like to catch him in the act – dark hair tousled from fingers being raked through it, hazel eyes wide behind those frames, his lips slightly open but obviously swollen from kisses…

Lily felt her face heat, and not from the fire. She squirmed in her seat, feeling an uncomfortable burst of need arise in her body. She didn’t have much experience, sexually – she had unfortunately nearly given her virginity to some poor sap named Bertram the year before, but his performance wasn’t anything to write home about. Despite that transgression, she had messed about with a few boys since and never gone as far; however, she was familiar with her body and recognized the feeling for what it was.

 _No,_ she scolded herself. _I am not getting horny after thinking about James Potter!_

She shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts altogether. It had just been a while, and she was a young woman. She was bound to have sexual thoughts about any lad, not just him. She could feel the blush finally leaving her face when James himself walked through the door.

_Speak of the devil and he shall appear._

“Alright, Evans?” His typical greeting had a different effect on her than it used to, and she found herself attempting to disguise a shiver and begging Merlin that the blush she had just gotten rid of wouldn’t return. “Getting some work done?” She looked down at the quill and small pocket-sized book of parchment she had all but forgotten about sitting in her lap.

“No, um, just a few notes I was writing for myself to remember for later,” she explained, trying to sit up. As she rose, the quill and book fell to the ground. She tried to reach for it, but James beat her to it – when he looked up and handed her things back to her, their faces were quite close. Lily tried to keep her eyes off of the small dimple in his chin, noticing a tiny scar on his upper lip for the first time.

“Writing about me in your diary?” he asked, and she sputtered for an answer before a small smile broke out on the same lips Lily realized she was still staring at. “Only joking.”

“I know,” she replied, a little more defensively than she had planned. “I mean, I do know what a joke sounds like, contrary to popular belief.”

“I’m not so sure about that. What’s your favorite joke, Evans?”

“I…” she paused to think, reaching over to smack him when she saw the smirk on his face. “I do know jokes, all right? You’ve put me on the spot!”

“’Course, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he groaned when he lowered himself to the couch.

“Rough day?” Lily asked, trying to mask the concern in her voice but sure that she was failing at it miserably; that failure probably had more to do with the fact that she had to completely focus on repressing a groan herself at the sound of James' deep one and the thoughts it elicited.

James nodded, rubbing his side to alleviate the soreness. “We play Slytherin next week – Merlin knows we can’t lose that match. And with planning Sirius’ birthday – ”

“I forgot it was in November. Same party as usual?”

“I have to say I’m surprised at the genuine excitement in your voice, but I guess I shouldn’t be. I saw how much you enjoyed the provided red currant rum last year.” His crooked grin emphasized the quite frankly – incredible – dimples on his face, and she used her embarrassment as an excuse to cover her face and block her view of him.

“How do you remember that?” She asked incredulously, baffled at his memory. “As I recall, you were becoming thoroughly acquainted with a bottle of Odgen’s Old.”

“It turned your lips this berry red color the whole night,” he told her, laughing. “You fell asleep on the couch in the common room and Marlene wouldn’t let anyone near you. She was afraid someone was going to take advantage of her – what was it she called you?” Lily groaned, covering her face in embarrassment once more. “Bonafide Ginger Bombshell, I think was the term she used.”

“Oh, Marley,” Lily moaned.

“That’s our Marlene,” James agreed. Lily ignored the way it sounded so good to hear him say ‘our.’

“So when is it?” she asked, hoping to change the subject back to the matter at hand instead of her drunken shenanigans.

“Ready for another round with that rum?” He held up his hands innocently when she sent him a murderous glare. “Alright, alright. It’s on Friday. We’ve been stocking up all week.”

“ _That’s_ where Marlene has been getting all of her candy from.” James looked puzzled at this, which confused Lily as well. “Sirius gets candy for her all the time, it seems like. Figured you would’ve noticed – I’m assuming you’re normally the one with him when he goes out on these excursions.”

“I do – I mean, I am. I just never knew he did that for her,” his eyebrows were scrunched up in thought adorably. _No, not adorably_ , Lily’s inner voice fussed. “Oh well, it doesn’t matter. Shall we expect you in attendance, then?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” James looked surprised once again at her response, so she felt the need to further clarify, “Well, Marley wouldn’t let me miss it. Merlin knows that woman can’t miss a single opportunity for some drinks and a party.”

“I expect that’s part of the reason why she and Sirius get on so well,” James ran a hand through his hair, sighing dramatically like just the thought of them stressed him out. “Right terrors, those two.”

Lily nodded her head instead of providing a verbal response, not sure where to take the conversation next, but knowing she didn’t want it to end.

“So… what were you up to?”

“Just in the library.” Lily’s looked at him in disbelief. “I do go in there to research for my essays and things you know. Amelia was helping me with some Herbology homework – plants just bore me to no end, honestly. I have trouble doing it myself.”

Lily’s insides clenched slightly at the mention of Amelia Bones. She had seen the two of them around the village during their first visit to Hogsmeade – James’ face was lit up when she had seen the couple walk past, his hands gesturing wildly as they walked out of Zonko’s. She couldn’t explain why the sight of them made her so uncomfortable. There was just this feeling she had that they weren’t… right together. Well, they were certainly _right_ together. Amelia had a stunning, angular beauty about her – the pin straight, dark haircut served to frame her face in a way that made her good looks intimidating; it didn’t help that her personality was blunt and to the point, no excuses and no remorse. And James, well – one would have to be blind to not see what he brought to the table. Amelia Bones was the epitome of competition for affections of any man, much less James Potter and –

 _No, Lily,_ she scolded herself. _That is none of your business. Not anymore._

“So, how’s that going?” The words slipped out of her mouth, that voice inside her head possessing her voice box and for some reason uttering the words to Potter that would betray she even thought about them as a couple at all.

“Erm…” James trailed off, obviously feeling awkward if the way his hand nervously slid through his hair was anything to go by. "I mean, we're not – it's not – there's no… official thing…"

“I’m sorry,” she interrupted him, “I shouldn’t have…”

“No, it’s – ”

They both laughed awkwardly, before Lily leaned in closer – it was like she had no control over her own limbs – and placed her hand on James' arm.

"You can come to me, you know," she said, blushing when James' eyebrows rose at the entendre. "I mean – for help in Herbology. I'm applying for Healer's school after Hogwarts. Know my way around plants." Her eyes rose to his, and she was surprised by how close his face was to hers.

"I'll definitely come to you…" his eyes flitted to her lips briefly and she couldn't stop her own from zoning in on that tiny scar on his lip, "for Herbology. Help. Herbology help. Help in Herbology."

"James."

She could feel his breath brushing her cheek, they were leaning in closer, closer –

A knock sounded at the door and they sprang apart as though they had been shocked. James stumbled off of the couch and over to the door, tripping over his own feet, hand in his hair. Remus stepped in at his insistence. He took in the sight of a slightly breathless James and a blushing Lily with scrutiny.

"Everything alright?"

"Just fine," Lily practically shouted, wincing when she heard the volume of her voice. "I mean, fine, I was just – "

"Herbology," James told Remus, as if that explained everything. Remus still looked skeptical.

"Right. Well, I had some last minute things to show you for the party…"

"Step into my office," James gestured towards his staircase.

"Lily." Remus nodded then walked up to James' room. James lagged behind slightly, looking back at Lily with a look she had trouble discerning.

"I'll see you later." His voice was deep, sincere. He didn't wait for a response before following Remus. Lily cursed in her head when she managed to take her eyes off of the muscles in his back.

_Fuck. I like James Potter._

* * *

"You're glaring again." Marlene's voice broke Lily's gaze away from Amelia, who had just flipped her brilliantly shining brown hair while chatting to James. They stood just by the castle doors, while Marlene and Lily sat on a bench across the courtyard. Lily turned to Marlene, who was munching on a piece of chocolate frog.

"I'm not glaring, it's just… whose hair is that perfect-looking, you know? Is there some sort of charm she puts on it or what?"

"Lily – "

"And I mean, what is going with them, anyway? He told me they were nothing official but –"

"When was this?" Marlene frowned. "I feel like you keep having these secret moments with James I know nothing about."

"I just think that they're not – "

"I think you like James Potter."

"What?" Her eyes darted back to James briefly before returning to Marlene.

“Lily, look…” Marlene started, turning away from her food to give her full attention to Lily. “I know that the relationship you and Potter have had is… well, strained to say the least. So it’s hard to confront how much better it is between you now. But you don’t have to be embarrassed if you do like him, you know?” She put her hand on Lily’s shoulder, rubbing slightly in an attempt to be comforting. “I would never judge you. You can tell me anything, right?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so serious.”

“No, Sirius is up in the common room plotting his own birthday.”

“Ugh,” Lily groaned, “you’re as bad as he is.”

“But all jokes aside, you can be honest with me. And from where I’m standing, it looks like you fancy James Potter. It has looked like that since this term started.”

“I… I don’t know how I feel, alright?” Lily said defensively. “He’s changed and…”

“And he’s dead gorgeous?” Lily smacked the piece of chocolate Marlene had just picked up out of her hand. “What? He’s only my mate, but I’m not blind. Puberty and Quidditch really did a number on him.”

“Why is it that our conversations always take this turn?”

“I’m a young woman with a highly active sexual imagination, surrounded by a school full of boys with raging pubescent hormones. It’s surprising that we’re not in a constant state of arousal around here.”

“With that attitude, it’s more surprising that you and Black haven’t done the deed already. Repeatedly.” A question bubbled on Lily’s lips at the slight blush that had arisen on Marlene’s cheeks, but she was interrupted by a voice behind them.

“What are we chatting about, then, ladies?” Sirius said as he and Remus stopped in their approach. His eyebrows shot up when both Marlene and Lily quickly answered, “Nothing!”

“Ooo…kay,” Remus offered slowly, “That’s not suspicious _at all_ , but we won’t address it.”

“What are we addressing?” Marlene asked the boys, Lily observing the way her eyes mostly remained on Sirius’ form as he reached over her shoulder to snag some chocolate out of her hands.

“The glorious day of my birth will be commemorated on Friday evening, so – ”

“Have I ever not attended your birthday party, Sirius? We’ll be there,” Marlene replied, rolling her eyes as Sirius stole the last small piece of the frog and shoved it into his mouth.

“Just trying to get a headcount,” Remus filled in for Sirius, who was busy chewing the food in his mouth.

“And wondering what sort of beverages you will want for yourself for this celebration,” he added after swallowing. “James has already got Evans here sorted.” Lily blushed when Marlene’s eyes went over to her.

“Vodka. And some proper Russian stuff, not this horrible Tesco-brand shite you keep nicking from the nearest Muggle village,” Marlene immediately replied. Sirius groaned, his body sagging all the way down to the bench next to her.

“Really, Mar? Muggle stuff? Do you know how hard that is to find in Hogsmeade? We’ll have to get the old dodger down at the Hog’s Head to get it for us, and Merlin knows I don’t want to have to talk to him. He’s mad.”

Marlene just looked at Sirius, eyes widening slightly and lips just pouted enough that Sirius visibly began to cave in.

“Alright,” he groaned. “But only for you, McKinnon.”

“Thanks, babe,” Marlene said, petting his head like a good dog before returning to her search for more candy from her bag. Remus and Lily shared a look at the lack of argument from Sirius, and the general closeness between the two.

“Where is James, anyway?” Sirius turned at Lily’s inquiry.

“What’s it to you?”

Marlene elbowed Sirius in the side at his rudeness, but he remained unfazed, his gaze burning into Lily’s. Lily, in return, crossed her arms and huffed.

“What is your problem, Black? Ever since this term started – ”

“Oh, please, as if you’ve ever even tried to talk to any of us before this term started, except for Remus,” he spat, his tone darkening to one that matched his namesake. “Now that James’ world no longer revolves around your existence and suddenly we’re all supposed to be friends? As if we can’t see right through that?”

“Sirius,” Remus warned, but Lily spoke over him.

“What the hell are you talking about? I have been nothing but nice to you and all you’ve done is give me the cold shoulder!” Her voice was starting to rise, but she attempted to remain level before the other students started paying attention to them.

“Because I’m not falling for your act, Evans. James might be fooled by it, but I won’t be.” Sirius and Lily both ignored the nervous glances being exchanged between Marlene and Remus, who were obviously becoming wary of where this conversation might lead.

“I’m not trying to fool anyone! What does James even have to do with whatever your problem is with me?”

“Do you think we’re blind? We know you fancy him. The only person who doesn’t is the daft idiot himself!”

Lily sputtered for a few moments before continuing, “Even if I did, that is none of your business, Black. I haven’t done anything to you.” Sirius chuckled coldly.

“Oh, except be a complete bitch to my best mate and me for the past six years?”

“ENOUGH!” Marlene shouted, causing some others in the courtyard to turn and watch the spectacle. Lily felt her throat tightening and a burning sensation behind her eyes. She turned away from the trio and saw the subject of their quarrel walking towards them, quickly at the sound of Marlene’s voice. She crouched to pick up her bag before Sirius could further attack her at the sight of her possible tears.

“What’s going on?” James asked, but all four of his friends remained silent as Lily grabbed her things. “Lily?”

Her throat tightened more at the concern in his tone, so she stood quickly and brushed past him towards the castle doors.

“Classy, Black, really,” Marlene said venomously. “What did you do that for?”

“Do what?” James inquired, but was ignored again as Sirius continued.

“She started it!” He said incredulously.

“She asked you what your problem was because you were being a complete prick, as usual.”

“Oh, so you’re taking her side, then?”

“She’s my best mate!”

“Will someone please tell me what in Merlin’s name is going on right now?” James pleaded.

“Sirius was a prick to Lily and needs to apologize,” Remus muttered, and Sirius glared at him. “Don’t give me that, Sirius. Just don’t. She’s made an effort for things to be different this year and all you keep doing is throwing it back in her face. I can’t defend you anymore. I’m going to look for Pete.” He walked off in the same direction that Lily had.

“Mar,” Sirius started, realizing no one would be siding with his behavior.

“No,” she threw the empty chocolate frog box at his feet, picking up her bag. “Not until you apologize to Lily. Or at least attempt to have a civilized discussion about why you are being such an arse.” With that, she walked off too.

Sirius finally turned to James, dreading the look on his face at the information provided by their mates. Rightfully so – James’ face was darkened slightly, but clearly waiting for Sirius to tell his side of the story.

“What happened?” James sat down on the bench, gesturing for Sirius to sit next to him. “You pissed off Evans and the rest of the world, by the looks of it.”

“What’s the point? You’re just going to take her side,” Sirius slumped down onto the seat.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “But as your best mate, I am obligated to lend an ear when no one else is willing to. I’ll be honest, though.”

“Are you ever not painfully honest when it comes to your opinions of my behavior?” Sirius asked, thinking back on the year before and the awful prank that nearly cost them their friendship. James remained silent, still waiting for an explanation. Sirius sighed. “Evans likes you now that you’re moving on, and I think that’s unfair because she’s been a total hag to you since fifth year.”

“W-what?” James’s eyes were wide. “Evans… what?”

“She likes you. Everyone knows this. Except you, apparently. I should’ve known that was the part you would focus on.”

“But I…” James was still stunned, running hands through his hair in nervous disbelief. “How do I… what do I do now? You know this for sure?”

“I haven’t right asked her obviously, but all of us have been thinking it since the start of term. And she hasn’t exactly denied it.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to talk about me, okay?”

“Sorry,” James breathed out. “It’s just… I don’t know how to deal with this. But Padfoot – I’m glad you care enough about me that you don’t want me to date a hag. I hadn’t exactly moved on from her though, mate. You knew that.”

Sirius groaned. “I know. That’s what makes this situation even more screwed.”

“Lily’s a good person,” James defended, his voice on the edge of irritation. “You know that too. We’ve just had differences in the past. You should give her a chance. I think you might find that she’s a better mate than you think.”

“I think you’re so whipped you couldn’t give a shit whether or not she’s a good mate.”

“You’re being unfair, and now you’re just starting to piss me off,” James warned and Sirius rolled his eyes, about to argue further before his eye caught on two figures crossing the courtyard. When James saw who it was that had caught his attention, Sirius had already gotten up and begun barreling towards them, his anger focusing in on a new target. James immediately got to his feet and ran after him.

* * *

Lily sighed as she sat down behind the statue of Godric Gryffindor’s great-grandson or something – actually, Lily really didn’t know who it was supposed to be, all she knew was that it made a good hiding spot away from Marlene and Remus while she got herself together. She couldn’t believe Black got to her the way that he did; he was so good at riling people up, and she fell right into it just like everyone else. It was clear that he had simply been waiting for the moment when she would finally confront him so he would have a reason to fight with her, to make his dislike even more apparent than it already was.

 _And then you didn’t even deny that you liked Potter! Idiot_. Lily shook her head, blowing her hair out of the way when it fell into her eyes. When she diverted her attention back to the corridor, Peter was walking past the statue. He stopped when he saw Lily, hesitated as if he wasn’t sure she would want to talk to him before finally deciding to walk over to where she sat.

“You look upset,” he stated bluntly, and Lily laughed.

“Way to make a girl feel good there, Peter.” A faint blush rose on his cheeks in embarrassment.

“No, I didn’t mean – ”

“It’s alright,” Lily assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder briefly before letting it fall. “Sirius and I had a row.”

“Oh.” Peter seemed surprised at first, but then started nodding as if he remembered something he hadn’t before. “Matter of time, I s’pose.”

“What do you mean?” Peter again seemed hesitant. “I promise you aren’t breaking your strange code of friendship. I won’t tell anyone. I just want to know why he hates me.”

Peter still looked nervous, but began to speak anyway.

“He doesn’t hate you. Not really. It’s just…” he looked at Lily sympathetically. “All the fights you and James’ve had throughout the years. All the things you’ve said to him.” It was Lily’s turn to blush now, and she let her eyes drop to study her shoes intently.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, not really,” she explained, but Peter didn’t seem convinced. “Okay, sometimes I did want to hurt him. But only because he was being rotten and awful to people who usually didn’t deserve it.” Peter dipped his head in half-hearted agreement.

“Alright. Regardless, some of the things made Prong—James, feel like shite. And just about always, Sirius was the person who had to take that on. And believe me – James in a bad mood isn’t a stroll around the lake on a sunny day.”

“So he hates me because I made James feel bad,” Lily reasoned. “Fair enough. I don’t do that anymore. At least, I don’t think I do.” Peter shook his head.

“No. You insulted James, belittled him, and now you – ” he stopped, shooting Lily a nervous glance.

“And now I like him,” Lily finished for him. Peter’s eyes widened in surprise at her response, and she clapped a hand over her mouth when she realized what she had admitted to. They both just stared at one another in shock. “Please don’t tell him,” Lily begged quietly after taking a few moments to recover. “I just… not yet. I need some time.”

Peter nodded, continuing with what he was saying before Lily’s confession. “And now you like him, and – well, Sirius thinks James is moving on.”

“With Amelia.”

“Right. And he… well, I think he thinks that you want James now that he’s not immediately available to you. And as much as he wants to think that James is moving on, he knows that if you offered yourself that James would take you over Bones on any day of the week.”

“So he hates me because James has poor willpower?”

“He’s cross at you because James is going to forgive you for everything you’ve ever said to him because he’s basically in love with you… he already has. And then if you decide he isn’t worth your while anymore…” Peter trailed off, not needing to say more.

“I guess I can understand that he’d…be afraid that I’d hurt his best mate. But he shouldn’t act the way he does, you know.”

“Sirius shouldn’t do more than half of the things he does, if we’re being honest.”

Lily laughed lightly, but her stomach was uneasy at the thought of anyone – even Sirius Black – assuming that she was the type of person that would use and hurt someone else so easily. Before she could think further on it, however, both of their heads turned to the sound of a commotion coming from back near the courtyard. One voice sounded suspiciously like the person they had just been discussing.

“Oh no,” Peter said, clearly recognizing the voice just as well as Lily did. He didn’t say anything further, just got up and ran in the direction of the shouting. Lily, knowing that where Sirius was in trouble James was never far behind, followed him. She had a newfound desire to protect James and his interests.

* * *

James held Sirius back, tightly keeping a hold of his arms so he didn’t lunge at Snape.

“Look what you’ve done!” Sirius snarled at him. “That’s my brother and you – you’re corrupting him, making him like _them_.” The _them_ in his statement was a clear reference to his and Regulus’s blood purist family to James and the Black brothers – to anyone else, it could just as easily have referenced Voldemort’s notorious group of followers. Students about the courtyard were now staring at the fight unraveling quickly in front of their eyes. James knew there was only so much he could do within eyesight of their classmates with his new status of Head Boy – he needed to diffuse the situation _now_.

“Potter always seems to save you from yourself, doesn’t he?” Snape goaded Sirius, referencing the night only the three of them out of all present knew of. Sirius growled, turning to James.

“Let me go, you _prat_ , let me curse that smug look right off his greasy face.”

“Sirius – ” James started, but Regulus interrupted him before he could convince his best mate further.

“Stop!” he screeched, and everything came to a standstill.

In his peripheral vision, James could see Lily and Peter run back into the courtyard and come to a stop at the scene playing out in front of them. He shook his head, locking eyes first with Peter and then Lily – effectively telling them without words to _stay out of it_.

“You left me!” Regulus yelled at Sirius, his voice cracking on the end, betraying his age as well as the emotion behind his words. “You left me there with…” he took a deep breath. _You left me there with mum and dad_ were the words just under the surface. James felt like he had a stomach full of ice at the thought of Regulus, freshly 15 years old, left entirely alone with Orion and Walburga Black – with the exception of the house-elf, Kreacher. Sirius recoiled like he had been slapped. His face was white, jaw clenched.

“You can’t… you can’t just _leave_ and then try to scare away my friends! I had to watch as they _scorched_ your name off the family tree. Like you didn’t even exist anymore. You never came back for me. No letters to check on me, no asking if I would come with you… and who’s left with the burden of our family name, now? Not you, Sirius. Me!”

All the fight had left Sirius’s limbs as soon as the words _you left me_ had come out of his younger brother’s mouth. His face was solemn as the grave.

“Reg…” he started, lifting his hand as if to reach out to his sibling before thinking better of it.

“No,” Regulus said resolutely, his slim nose turning up; his resemblance to Sirius in that moment startled James. “You lost the big brother role when you abandoned me to deal with the wake of your problems.”

James and Severus shared a glance, both shocked by the turn the conversation had taken. For once in their lives, neither could even come up with a mild insult to fling at the other. Peter was wringing his hands nervously on the edge of the courtyard, and Lily’s face was shadowed with concern. The entire courtyard sat in an eerie silence, although there were whispers from the students who were merely bystanders – _Black got disowned_ and _Can you believe he left his brother like that?_

Regulus turned and stalked away, Severus following quickly after him. The surrounding student body resumed its motion, Peter and Lily scurrying over to where James and Sirius still stood. Sirius stared at the empty space where Regulus had stood.

“Padfoot…” James urged quietly, “let’s get out of here.” While their classmates had, for the most part, gone back about their business, there were still many staring at Sirius as if waiting for him to have a fit in front of the school. He nodded numbly at James’s request, but his face was emotionless when he turned around to face the three of them.

“I expect you thought that was bloody good karma at work, then, eh?” Sirius said maliciously to Lily. Her brow furrowed deeply.

“Sirius, no. I wouldn’t – I wouldn’t ever be happy about something like this happening to _anyone_. It’s what makes us different from them.” Something shifted in Sirius’s gaze, something that looked like respect, before it darkened again. Dread built up in James’s stomach as he anticipated where Sirius’s thoughts would take him.

“Well, I almost killed Snape and I left my brother all alone with my abusive parents, so obviously I’m not so different from them after all.” He took off without another word, heading into the castle, paying no heed to all three of their protests for him to wait for them.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said as she turned to James, “I didn’t think – ”

“It’s not your fault,” he assured her. At her look of doubt, “really.” She nodded before her expression turned puzzled.

“What did he mean,” she started cautiously, “that he almost killed Snape?”

James sighed.

“That’s another story for another day,” he said as he and Peter shared a knowing glance.

* * *

Two days later, Sirius watched the ceiling spin from his bed. He reached as far as he could to the table at his bedside without moving, trying to grasp the neck of the firewhiskey bottle that sat atop it. After minutes of stretching without dislodging himself from the warm spot on the mattress, he had the bottle in his hand and tipped it to his mouth – he didn’t even wince at the taste anymore, as much as he drank the stuff. He let his arm holding the bottle hang off the edge of the bed, letting the glass clank to the floor and no doubt spilling the contents along the wood between he and Remus’s beds. The door to the dormitory opened, and he had a promise to clean up the sticky mess ready on his lips until he saw that it was not Remus who had entered.

“Happy birthday, you drunken lout,” Marlene said, her tone teasing but with a hint of real concern underneath. “I don’t think anyone has seen you sober within the last 48 hours.”

“Probably because I haven’t been,” Sirius was proud that, to his own ears at least, it didn’t sound like he was slurring much; Marlene’s expression said otherwise. She sat down on the edge of his bed, her hand coming out to touch his knee.

“You know—” she started, but Sirius cut her off before she could get another word out.

“No, I don’t want to talk about it,” he said irritably.

“Well, don’t talk about it, then,” Marlene snapped. “But you can’t keep drinking yourself to death every day. You get a pass for today, because it’s your birthday and most everyone in our year will be drunk off their arses in your honor tonight. But tomorrow – if you pick up that bottle to drown your guilt over your brother, I won’t let you get away with it.”

Sirius grumbled. “I haven’t been drowning my guilt in alcohol.” Marlene laughed, the boisterous sound the best thing Sirius had heard in two days.

“What exactly have you been doing, then? Go on, I’m dying to hear it.” She looked at Sirius, daring him to make up some ludicrous excuse. “And don’t say that it’s because it’s your birthday week, because we all know that’s not what this has been about.”

Sirius grabbed a pillow from behind his head and put it over his face, groaning into it.

“Why’d you always make me feel like such a git?” came the muffled voice from the pillow.

“Because you’re always acting like one,” Marlene replied, huffing out a laugh and shoving Sirius’ leg playfully. Her tone grew more serious with her next words. “You have every right to feel guilty, babes. You left home without your little brother and now he hates you for it.” Sirius groaned again. “But don’t let it eat you up like this. Find some other way, yeah?”

When he didn’t answer, she reached up and snatched the pillow off of his head.

“Oi, look at you! Mrs. Seeker trying out her new talents,” Sirius remarked cheekily. Marlene smacked him with the pillow. “OW!”

“These talents are not new, prat. And Mrs. Seeker really came up here to tell you that our dearest Quidditch captain will have your head if you don’t go to practice this afternoon. So take a sobering potion and make sure you’re out there – Merlin knows he will take it out on all of us if you’re late.”

* * *

“I’m surprised Sirius is here on time, seemed like he was in a shit mood yesterday,” Amelia’s voice reached James’s ears, but his eyes were on a redhead across the room. He held in a sigh as her laugh tinkled over to where he was standing, her hand flipping her red hair over her shoulder so as not to let it stick to her most likely damp skin due to the heat in the common room. He reluctantly turned his gaze over to Amelia.

“Well, you know Sirius. Never one to turn down an excuse for a party – especially not one that’s all about him.” James’s eyes scanned Amelia’s form – she was beautiful, in a no-nonsense type of way. Her face was harsh angles, her hair so dark it seemed to be some cross between red, purple and black, and blue eyes that were a shock against her hair color. The kind of looks she had were intimidating, if James could pick a word to describe them. Yet, he was not intimidated by them or by her as much as he was of Lily Evans.

_Lily Evans. Likes me. That is just…_

Unthinkable. Or so James had thought, until Sirius had opened his eyes to the possibility. He refused to completely believe Sirius’s assurances that Lily definitely liked him – there was that insecure little boy inside of him that was afraid that one more rejection from her would be the final one, the last chance he got at a relationship with her. He had to make sure he did everything right – if he asked her out again, he had to know it was what she really wanted. And he wasn’t sure about that just yet. He wasn’t ready to risk the friendship that they had reluctantly built.

“Earth to James.” Amelia smiled wryly at James when he looked at her again, startled to find that he had nearly forgotten she was standing there with him. And then his stomach sank as he thought back to the shy kiss they had shared back after they had gone on their date in Hogsmeade. He liked Amelia – despite her looks being intimidating, she was actually a great person to be around. They had a lot of things in common: a love of Puddlemere United despite the way they’d played terribly for the last _three seasons_ , a talent and interest for Transfiguration, a strange liking of Fortescue’s _Pixie Dust_ flavored ice cream and a wish to see the band Cracked Cauldrons play live at least once before they died. But… _Lily Evans._

“Just go over to her then.” Amelia laughed at James’s baffled look. “James, it’s been fun. I like you and I think we could’ve been good together. But you are… to be honest, you are hopelessly in love with her, aren’t you?”

James flushed, his ears growing hot, and Amelia giggled again.

“You’re fit, and I’m glad I got a kiss in. A little disappointed that’s as far as I got, but… not really surprised.” James blushed further at the bold compliment.

“I’m sorry, Amelia, I – ” she put up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t apologize. I think everyone was waiting for the moment when you would go back to fancying her.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better about this,” James mumbled.

“About what? Standing here next to me and ogling her blatantly from across the room?” she chided lightly, and James sheepishly looked down at his shoes. She laughed at his shame, reached over to the table they were standing next to and grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey, pouring two shots for each of them and handing James’s to him. “Do me a favor, yeah? Take this shot, make a drink for her, go over there and chat her up. And don’t muck it up like you have before.”

“Is this your plan for payback? To feed me a constant stream of ridicule until you feel better?” James asked sarcastically, throwing back the shots one after the other.

“No, just giving you some advice. Act like a normal human, as you have been to her since the end of last year. No crazy stunts. I think she might even like you more than I do. Cheers,” she grabbed both of the shot glasses and lifted them in a toast to him before downing both. James found himself entranced by the column of her throat as she swallowed the alcohol.

“I don’t think I’m… ready for that, just yet,” James admitted with honesty, turning back to the table where the bottles sat. Amelia looked back at him, seeming surprised he was still standing next to her and also at the words he’d spoken.

“You’re not ready? To shag the girl you’ve been trying to bag since you were literally 11 years old?” James laughed shakily at the abrupt way Amelia threw his own feelings in his face. He poured another shot for himself, her, then threw it back.

“If she doesn’t really like me, and I do this, I ask her out again… I’m done for.”

“James Potter, scared,” she laughed crudely – whether that was natural or the effect of the Firewhiskey, James wasn’t sure. “Never thought I’d see the day come to pass.”

“No, it’s not—” James broke off, trying to sort out his scattered thoughts. “And what if we get together and it’s not what I thought? Or she doesn’t like me, or we just – don’t like each other that much? What if we grow apart and I’ve been missing out on all these other girls all this time?” Amelia’s eyebrows rose at his rapid-fire questioning.

“First off – please don’t make me really think you haven’t been with other girls.”

“You know what I mean,” James sent her a look.

“Secondly – do you normally do this much thinking before getting with a girl? Because if I put half of that brainpower into any of my relationships maybe I’d actually be able to keep myself a boyfriend.”

“Now, don’t _you_ act like you haven’t been with other blokes.”

“That’s not what I said,” Amelia said coyly, summoning herself another drink. “So, you’re afraid you’ve wasted your young life on unrequited love. So get out some more.”

“You make it sound so easy,” James did not want to admit that he was whining, but – what else would he call what was coming out of his mouth?

“It is,” Amelia said bluntly. “You should know. Your best mate makes a habit of it, doesn’t he?”

“Not as much as he likes to let people think,” James said sagely. “He has a certain image to maintain, you know.”

Amelia scoffed. “I’m sure Black cares a great deal about what other people think of him. But that’s not the point – get out a little more, try some other fishes. You still think about Evans? Then you know.” She sipped on her drink as James digested the information she had just given him.

James supposed he was taking a risk. Lily… well, everyone thought that Lily fancied him. But the fact of it was that she hadn’t actually come to _him_ about it, which either meant that she didn’t want to act on any feelings she might have for him or she was disgusted by her feelings, or she wasn’t ready for them, or simply all three. And it was just not fair for him to sit around and twiddle his thumbs while she made up her mind. He deserved a little fun, didn’t he? After a few moments, he spoke again.

“So, not to be too forward, but – want to give it a go? No offense, but—most other girls won’t be alright when they find out I fancy someone else.”

Amelia grinned.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

* * *

“The game is called Captain Dickhead,” Marlene announced loudly. “Now, I know we normally reserve that name for our dear Quidditch captain, bless him,” Sirius laughed uproariously over James’s protests, “but tonight, it is the name of a glorious Muggle drinking game I have been introduced to by none other than our Head Girl here, bless _her_.”

“Lily Evans!” Remus exclaimed. “Why, I never!”

“Thank you, _mother_ ,” Lily shot back at him, “but you know as well as I that I can let loose when the occasion calls for it.”

“Yes, we all remember Sirius’s birthday last year, thanks,” Remus spilled his drink as he flung his arms and what he surely thought was a marvelous impersonation of Lily. “’Just one more, Potter! You are NOT the boss of me!’”

“Although he wishes he was,” Peter murmured into Sirius’s ear.

“Alright, that’s enough out of the peanut gallery here,” Lily shushed them. “I will explain the rules to all of you, which are extensive but will get you drunk rather quickly—but first, I would like to propose a toast.” She raised her glass towards Sirius. “Black, you and I have had a rough go of it, and I want to say now while I’m already drunk that I’d like to turn over a new leaf. To old friends, and to new ones, and – ”

“Oh, let’s get on with it already!” Peter whined.

“Oh shut it, Peter, everyone heard you fart in the corner over there ten minutes ago,” Marlene told him, and Sirius burst into laughter along with everyone in the circle – but nonetheless raised his glass in acknowledgement to Lily.

“Cheers, Evans.”

And Lily thought that was where her good night would truly begin.

Until hours later when she stumbled drunkenly back into the Heads’ Dorms to find James Potter and Amelia Bones _very_ engaged with one another on the couch in the common area – her reaction to which was to immediately turn and leave the dorm, only to vomit right outside the door.

* * *

For Sirius, the night took a similar turn as James’s had, although perhaps not with _whom_ he had expected to be engaged with. After most of the party-goers had either passed out or gone to bed, and James had snuck off with Amelia – which Sirius was secretly pleased with, despite his shaky, newfound friendship with Lily Evans – he and Marlene went up to the Astronomy Tower to partake in their usual habits.

The night was breezy, and Marlene cuddled up to him in a way that was so natural he was surprised to find himself wondering when that sort of thing had become characteristic for them. He was even more surprised by how easy it was for him to wrap his arm around her and pull her closer to his chest, and not just to block the wind while she tried to light a joint.

“I’ve been waiting for this all night,” she admitted, a sliver of guilt slipping into her voice. “I didn’t want to share with anyone else.”

“The weed or my company?” he asked cheekily. She punched him lightly in the shoulder.

“You are such a prat,” she told him, taking a puff before handing it over to him. Their fingers brushed, and he looked into her eyes as he took a drag himself.

“You love it,” he waggled his eyebrows. She rolled her eyes and sighed, leaning back into him.

“Happy birthday, you enormous git.”

“It’s almost not my birthday anymore.”

“More the reason to say it, then.”

Sirius’s body felt as though it was vibrating with his buzz and high, and he shoved his face into the crook of Marlene’s neck, breathing in her scent. Despite the long night of partying, she still smelled like she always did – the faint floral scent of her perfume, and whatever soap the house-elves used to clean their laundry. There were some parts of their animagus forms, he knew, that carried over into their normal lives. Sirius felt as though his ability to track scent – to match who smelled like what and where they were based off that fact alone – was what carried over into his. In many moments of his life, it was a disadvantage; for example, Peter’s body odor and the smell of James’s unwashed Quidditch gear assaulted him in a way it didn’t the others. But in these moments, it was _everything_. He could breathe in Marlene’s scent every day for the rest of his life and be happy about it.

That thought stopped him mid-motion.

“Mar, can I ask you something?” he nudged her with his nose, and her eyes opened slowly to look at him sideways.

“Depends. Are you going to ask what color knickers I’m wearing?”

He ignored that.

“Have you ever thought… what it would be like if we…” he trailed off, and she turned her head fully to look at him.

And then closed the gap between them, her lips on his.

His response was immediate, the joint dropping out of his hand and onto the ground, forgotten. She turned in his arms, wrapping hers around his neck and opening her mouth more fully to his. His eyes fell closed as he gave himself over to the feeling of Marlene, the smell of her, enveloping him completely. He’d been with other girls – plenty, in fact – but nothing had ever felt like this, at least for him. He didn’t know what Marlene felt.

That was, until she straddled his waist and ground herself down onto him in a way that made the blood rush to his dick so fast that it made his head spin.

“Mar,” he gasped.

“Sirius,” her lips moved down to his neck, sucking lightly until she bit down gently with her teeth. He groaned, his hands moving to her ass and squeezing. “Is that your wand or are you just happy to see me?”

He laughed breathlessly before groaning as she rubbed up just right against the seam of his pants. “Marlene, tell me you’re not too drunk for this. I can’t do this if – ”

She pulled back and looked at him in the eye.

“I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

“Oh, fuck, yes.” He pulled her face back down to his. She mewled as she rubbed against him harder.

“Touch me, Black,” Marlene ordered, and Sirius had _thought_ he had been hard before, but those words coming out of her mouth brought his lust to new heights. His hands crept up her top, pushing her bra up and away to reach her already hardened nipples. She moaned with relief and he pushed her shirt up further, fastening his mouth to one of them and sucking _hard_.

“Oh, oh… fuck…” she pushed him over so he was flat on his back, and he protested at the separation of his mouth from her body until he realized the effect that gravity had on the pressure on his groin. His head fell back, his mouth open wordlessly until she covered it with her own again, grinding down on him until they were both on the edge and panting.

“Sirius, I…” he understood what she needed without further elaboration, sandwiching his hand between their bodies to shove it down her jeans and find that perfect spot. She shuddered uncontrollably at the contact, and his hand was flooded with new wetness as a result. “So close, Sirius… I…” He slipped a finger into her simultaneously and he felt her clench around him as she finished. He surprised himself by following right after, the pressure of her pelvis on his making him cum in his pants like it was the first time he’d ever had his dick touched. And Marlene hadn’t even _touched_ his dick.

“Merlin…” he said shakily, his hand still down her pants and the other holding her tightly around the waist.

“I hope that’s not who you’re thinking of right now,” Marlene replied, her voice muffled as her face was pressed into his shirt.

Sirius laughed. “Not in the slightest.”

She looked back up at him and laughed sheepishly, and he couldn’t help but grin back at her.

“You came in your pants,” she teased.

“So did you.”

He pressed his finger lightly on her still sensitive clit, just to tease her back, and she shivered, gripping his arm tightly. He moved his hand from her waist up to her face, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

“This wasn’t a one-off, was it?” Sirius inquired, startled by how unsure his own voice sounded.

“I hope not,” Marlene replied, and leaned up to place her lips on his once again. He let himself fall into the kiss gently, disappointed when she pulled away before he was ready. “Now, get your hands out of my pants, Black, and take me back inside like a proper gentleman. Do you treat all your women like this? I’m freezing. And pick that joint up off the ground while you’re at it, what a waste.”

Sirius took off his sweater, pulling it over Marlene’s head and tried not to look too pleased at the way she snuggled into it, like she wanted to be wrapped up in him.

“And here I thought a little sexual release would change your attitude a bit,” Sirius joked, bending over to pick the joint up (not because she asked him to, of course).

“Oh please,” she wrapped her arms around him from behind as he straightened up. “You didn’t think _anything_ would change my attitude. And you didn’t want it to, either.”

He huffed out a laugh.

“You’re right there, Mar.”

* * *

The next evening, James was surprised that Lily had not shown up for their meeting with the 7th year prefects; it was unlike her to be anything but perfectly on time, if not early for every single meeting they held. He had originally thought that she might still be nursing a hangover from the party, but he thought that she would suffer through something as trivial as that in the face of her responsibilities as Head Girl. He was worried that maybe she had seen he and Amelia in the Heads’ Dorms – a ridiculous location for bringing girls in, he realized in hindsight, if he still wanted to possibly be with Lily in the future. He had been especially worried when he had seen the dried vomit outside the door and nearly stepped in it – but he figured then that it was probably just one of the boys looking for a place to sleep before they realized the dorm was already _occupied._ James also didn’t want to confront the fact that if seeing other girls and Lily knowing about it made him feel guilty then he probably shouldn’t be doing it, but that was a matter for another day when his head wasn’t still pounding from that _fucking blasted Captain Dickhead._

He locked up the classroom, turning around to go and see if Lily had returned to their dorm when he almost ran headfirst into Severus Snape.

“Watch where you’re going,” he said; he mentally patted himself on the back for not adding on some extra nasty nickname that Lily would undoubtedly deem inappropriate for the situation.

“Where was the Head Girl tonight?” Severus asked, ignoring James’s statement completely. James shrugged.

“I don’t know, something important must’ve come up.” He began to walk away again, but Snape blocked his path.

“She never would dream of ditching responsibilities before she started consorting with you lot.” Snape looked at James with distaste. Since the incident last year with Remus nearly killing Snape in his werewolf form, the Marauders had attempted to keep their distance from Snape and avoid fights with him as much as possible – why give him a reason to tell the whole school that Remus was cursed with lycanthropy? So when James felt rage begin to bubble up in his chest, he took a deep breath in order to remain calm and not immediately begin a duel with the Slytherin.

“Let’s just get one thing straight – Lily chooses her own friends. Regardless of what your misguided and no doubt prejudiced opinions of them may be. Secondly, you aren’t in any position to argue that any of us is lagging in regards to fulfilling our responsibilities; I’ve seen you let off a fuck ton of students in your own house when there was a blatant need for disciplinary action within the last _month_ alone.” _Another pat on the back for me. Completely rational arguments. No insults. Lily would be so proud._

Snape frowned deeply. “As if you don’t let your little werewolf friend run around and give extra points to Gryffindors who don’t deserve them.”

James’s anger hit its boiling point as Severus used _werewolf_ like a slur. _Sorry, Lily._

“I saved your life!” James heard his voice explode in fury, but couldn’t bring himself to lower his voice; the rage he felt was roiling in his chest, making his blood pump so hard and fast that he could hear it rushing in his ears.

“Congratulations, you did what any decent person would’ve—and what do you know, it got your friends off the hook completely,” Severus sneered.

“More than you, then,” James spat back. “Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t have hesitated to save me if the tables were turned; in fact, you probably would’ve left me there to die.”

“I don’t befriend half-breeds. The tables would never be turned.” James thought back to Lily’s frown after Snape had cornered her a few weeks prior about their lost friendship and the anger flared up again in his chest, red-hot.

“And you ask Lily why you can’t be friends – if she heard the filth that comes out of your mouth when it’s just us fighting here. She’d be disgusted by you—well, more than she already is.”

Snape’s eyes narrowed to slits, his glare slicing through James.

“She isn’t—”

“What?” James interrupted. “Did you think you could just insult her like that and she would forgive you? That you would be friends again, happily ever after? Who would—”

“Shut up!” Snape hissed. But James was in the old, familiar mood of wanting to rankle Snape into getting really angry. Vindictive.

“You’re just jealous, aren’t you?” James smiled cruelly. “You wanted to be Head with her. Share the dorm.” He pushed even further at the darkening expression on Snape’s face. “You wanted to be the one she chose in the end.”

“She doesn’t even like you!” Severus snarled, but there was a look of doubt in his eyes that James didn’t miss.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night. But we all know that’s all you’ve ever seen me as – competition.”

“Don’t fool yourself into believing that feeling wasn’t mutual, Potter.” The smug look on his face was enough to make James drive the knife deeper and bring up the day by the lake.

“So, who do you think she’d choose now, then? You, me or the Giant Squid? I reckon her pick would be the one without the grease and without the tentacles.” Snape’s eyes narrowed dangerously.

“I’d watch the way you speak, Potter. That big mouth of yours will get you into trouble one of these days soon.”

“Going to sick Voldemort and your Death Eater pals against me? Is that your plan to befriend Lily again, to woo her? ‘Oh right, I’ve killed your mate and support a man who wants to commit genocide against all people like you and your family, but let’s just forget about all that!’ Good plan. I see that working out really well for you.”

“You wouldn’t speak his name if you knew what he is capable of,” Snape whispered vehemently, eyes darting about the corridor to make sure they were alone.

“Oh, I’m aware,” James replied darkly. “The only reason I would stop speaking his name is because he’s scum and he doesn’t deserve a life, much less a name.”

They glared at each other wordlessly, gazes threatening possible future violence until the sound of running footsteps nearing the corner broke their standoff.

Lily appeared, breathless, red hair shining in the candlelights of the corridor. _Wow_.

“What did I miss?” she asked, to which they replied, “Nothing,” and “All of it,” simultaneously.

“The Head Girl should learn to be more punctual,” Severus said with what was obviously meant to be a jesting tone, but it fell flat amongst the remaining tension between them.

“The Slytherin Prefect should mind his own business.” James smirked at Lily’s rebuttal. “James, I need to talk to you. _Privately_.” She glared at Snape.

Severus looked like he’d swallowed eel eyes before turning on his heel to presumably head to the dungeons. Lily watched him walk away until he turned the corner.

“What was that all about?” she asked James. He shrugged.

“Ah, y’know, the usual bit. What was it you wanted to talk about then?”

Lily nodded solemnly.

“It’s Remus.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the song at the beginning of the chapter is awesome and please check out this band, they are from my hometown and got sorta famous from one of their singles being on an Amazon commercial, and they are SO GOOD.  
> OMG guys I am like SO SORRY that I haven't updated since MARCH. I honestly have no idea how it took that long. Actually, I do. In the time I haven't posted I had finals, I received my Bachelor's Degree (YAY), went to Greece for two weeks, went to a music festival and got my wisdom teeth out. So these past few months have been straight crazy for me, but I promise that I have been working on this fic when I had the time. It never really left my mind - I have a notebook full of ideas of where this story will go. Obviously, too, this chapter is a monster; over 10,000 words. Like really, I have the hardest time cutting down on my shit.  
> Another sidenote - I don't know if Captain Dickhead existed in the 70s. It probably didn't. But there was alcohol and playing cards so let's assume that Hogwarts students are like a bunch of college idiots.  
> Also, to whoever is interested - Amelia Bones is looking like Willa Holland to me.


	4. Reptilia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is... heavy.

“ _You’re no longer laughing  
__I’m not drowning fast enough._ _”_

\- **Reptilia** by **The Strokes**

* * *

Remus looked down at his fidgeting hands, watching his fingers twitch and hoping it was the only sign of his nervousness. It was just his luck that he would get called into the Headmaster’s office the day after one of the biggest parties of the year. Despite taking an elixir that was supposed to cure hangovers, he could still feel a headache pounding behind his eyes and there was an uneasiness in his stomach – although he wasn’t sure if that was the lingering effects of Firewhiskey or the anxiety of being called up for a one-on-one chat with Dumbledore. He was quite sure he wasn’t in trouble for anything, but with his condition there was always a heavy-handed fear that the opportunity he’d been given at Hogwarts would be cut short. He didn’t believe it would be on Dumbledore’s behalf, but if his schoolmates’ parents or the Ministry discovered his lycanthropy and wanted to force him out, there would be little the Headmaster could do to stop them.

Remus’ spiraling thoughts were cut short by the sound of the door opening behind him. He swiveled in his seat to find Dumbledore walking up the small steps towards his desk.

“I apologize,” the older man began as he sat in his chair, “for calling you into my office only to make you wait for me. Terribly rude, I know, but Mr. Filch deemed it necessary to stop me on my journey here and express his distaste in regards to Peeves’ latest misdeeds.” He looked at Remus knowingly. “No coincidence, I believe, that Peeves felt the sudden urge to rearrange all the suits of armor in the castle into battle formations about the dungeons on the same night of Mr. Black’s birthday.”

The Headmaster’s eyes twinkled with mischief as a slight blush rose on Remus’ cheeks at being caught. If it were any other professor, he would’ve been able to at least try to lie and give a cover story, but it just felt wrong to even attempt any fib in the face of Professor Dumbledore.

“However, Mr. Filch was in such a tizzy already I felt it best to keep that information to myself.” He chuckled slightly at Remus’ relieved exhale. After a moment, Dumbledore’s face sobered; Remus straightened his spine, preparing himself for the real reason Dumbledore had asked to see him. “I see you have already guessed that this is not why I summoned you here today.”

“Yes, sir.” Remus winced at how hoarse and weak his voice sounded, and cleared his throat. “Yes, sir.”

“After a night of what I’m sure were joyous festivities, it pains me to be the one to convey bad news to you, Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore began.

Remus’ heart rate sped up, his body tensing as his mind provided a thousand scenarios – all of which involved him being expelled from school for being what he was.

“It has come to my attention that your mother has fallen quite ill.”

Remus’ heart stuttered in his chest. “I’m sorry, sir, but… do you mean…?”

“My apologies for not clarifying,” Dumbledore answered quickly. “I forgot momentarily that your friends typically use this excuse in order to cover up your absences due to your condition.” He sighed, lowering his spectacles on his crooked nose. “Your mother has actually contracted an illness. Your father is in a… fragile state, and did not think it best to tell you. But I convinced him that it would be better for you to have some knowledge of the situation, in case things are to worsen in the future.”

Remus swallowed hard over the lump in his throat, feeling both sadness and overwhelming guilt swamp him at once. Sadness at his mother’s (and from the sounds of things, his father’s) condition, and guilt at the relief he felt that the entire situation had nothing to do with his own disease. He must have sat motionless, battling his own feelings for ten minutes before Dumbledore felt the need to prompt him into speaking.

“Are there any questions you wish to ask me, Mr. Lupin?”

“Why exactly did my father not want to tell me my mother was sick?” Remus wondered aloud, more to himself than to Dumbledore. The he shook his head to clear it and think properly, sort his priorities. “Wait. What’s wrong with her?”

“A Muggle illness known as pneumonia,” answered Professor Dumbledore and Remus nodded his head, mildly familiar with most things Muggle-related because his mother was not a witch. “Yes, I thought you might have heard of it. Sometimes people are able to recover from this illness, but… Remus, I do not wish to lie to you. Her condition does not seem to be getting much better. She has been at a local Muggle hospital for the better part of the past two months. As to why your father wanted to keep it from you, well – I could only assume it would be to protect you from the stress of the situation during your final year at school.”

“There’s no… magical care available to her? Do wizards not get this disease?” Remus inquired, his mind starting to race once again as he began to grasp the severity of the situation. “Are you telling me she’s going to die?”

Dumbledore paused for a moment, as if to ponder which words exactly he wished to use on Remus.

“Know that if there were anything your father could do to help your mother be well again, he would do it. Wizards can get Muggle diseases such as pneumonia, yes, but it doesn’t affect us the way it does Muggles. Muggle illnesses do not damage us to the same proportions as it does them. The potions we have… well, it probably would not help. Or it could do more harm to her. There is little documented experimentation of healing potions on Muggles; it would be a large risk, especially considering Muggles have medications for this particular ailment already.”

Remus deflated. “So, she’s going to die?”

Dumbledore sighed. “Nothing is certain, Remus.”

“Well, thanks for that,” Remus snapped sarcastically. Then he remembered whom he was talking to. “I’m sorry, sir. It’s just…” he ran a hand over his face. “Can I leave? To go visit her at the hospital?”

“I was planning to arrange for you to leave the castle sometime over this weekend, yes. That is why I wished to speak with you as soon as possible.”

Remus nodded numbly, unable to think or speak clearly.

“I think it would be best if you were to leave in the morning, rather than today. I feel as though it might benefit you to have the day to think this all over.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll… I’ll go back to my dorm now, if that’s alright.”

“Of course. Do you think you will be ready to go by 9 o’clock in the morning?”

Remus stood, ready to leave the office and hide in the dorm for a few hours. Or the rest of the night. “Yes, sir.”

“I will meet you outside of the Great Hall when you are ready.”

Remus nodded one last time – Merlin, it was like all the words had left him entirely – and practically sprinted from the office. To his misfortune, he didn’t make it far without running into someone else to which he felt an obligation to tell the truth.

“What’s happened, mate?” James was breathless, and Lily stood behind him looking worried. Remus had half a heart to smile at the sight of them together before he thought about what they were asking him. “Lily told me you had been called up to Dumbledore’s… and if it was about Peeves and the armor I didn’t want you to shoulder all the blame. And then Lily thought it might be about something—” he looked around to see if there were any others around, “something decidedly worse, you know, and then I – we thought it might be about… you know,” he finished lamely. “You look peaky. What’s happened?”

“I…” Remus wasn’t sure where to start, but just jumped in anyway. “My mum. She’s ill. Like, really ill.”

James paled.

“As in… how has it gotten worse? Can’t we help?” James was starting to look frantic, and Remus was confused by his reaction until he understood that James was misinterpreting the statement in the same way he had with Dumbledore just moments earlier.

“No, James. My mum really is ill. It’s not about me, or my… illness.”

“Don’t say it like that – don’t talk about yourself like that,” Lily said roughly, and both James and Remus looked back at her in surprise, having practically forgotten she was there. “I’m sorry about your mum, Remus. What can we do?”

Remus sighed. “I appreciate it, Lily, but there’s really nothing you can do. You either, James. Dumbledore’s arranged for me to go visit the hospital in the morning. I think I just need to be alone for a bit. Think about things.” James’s hand came out to his shoulder affectionately.

“I get it. Just… don’t pull a Sirius, right? We’re here for you. If you need anything.”

“Me, too,” Lily added, pulling him in for a tight hug, which Remus accepted gratefully. It was hard to be unaffected by Lily’s genuine kindness. “Be down for supper, okay? You need to eat.”

“’Course.”

Remus began to finish his journey back to the dormitory. Although his mind was full of emotions—fear, anger and lingering guilt to start—he couldn’t help but smile at his friends’ conversation before he turned the corner.

“Now, what was this about Peeves and the armor?”

“That’s on a need-to-know basis, Evans. Marauders only.”

* * *

Severus stared into the fire burning in the hearth of Slytherin’s common room, thinking about the tasks before him. When he first began his path into the Dark Lord’s forces months ago, he perhaps had not totally foreseen the more… unsavory acts he would have to perform. Or rather, he had foreseen them, but not fully comprehended what it would mean to have to carry them out. Rodolphus Lestrange was currently his main contact among Lord Voldemort’s followers – although their communications were often brief in order to avoid suspicion, this time the matter had been serious – more meaningful than their previous conversations had been.

_“_ _You've_ _proven to the Dark Lord that you can provide a considerable amount of knowledge to his ranks. Our leader has plenty of use for great minds,_ _”_ _Lestrange muttered in a low tone, despite their inconspicuous location of a back room at Borgin and Burke_ ' _s in Knockturn Alley._ _“_ _But the time has come for you to prove your dedication to the cause."_

_“_ _Have I not already demonstrated my interest?_ _”_ _Snape returned coolly._

_“_ _Your interest, yes,_ _”_ _Rodolphus answered._ _“_ _But your dedication has yet to be seen. You are still within the safety of Hogwarts_ _’_ _walls. How are we to know if your feelings_ _…_ _allegiances will change after graduation?_ _”_

_“_ _Did I do something to warrant suspicion of my loyalty?_ _”_ _Severus felt a stab of fear that someone, anyone in his house had spread word of his previous friendship with a certain Muggle-born girl. He and Lily rarely spoke anymore; since that day by the lake in their fifth year, Lily had it made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. While there had been moments of weakness in her icy exterior, moments where it seemed as though she might be ready to forgive him, his friendships with the likes of Thorfinn Rowle and Evan Rosier seemed to cure her of any warm feelings towards him._

_He had done his best to make sure that they and their other housemates involved with the Dark Lord knew that he had no lingering feelings about Lily Evans._

_“These_ _are trials everyone must go through to receive the Mark, Severus. Are you serious about joining him? Or will you cower in the face of what he asks of you?"_

_Severus'_   _face hardened._

_“Tell_ _me what I have to do."_

So his first task was to perform an Unforgivable. Not just perform it, but perform it on a target of specific blood lineage. Any Unforgivable, performed on a Muggleborn or blood traitor. With blood traitors as an alternative, many options came to mind: Potter and Black, just to start. The school was teeming with those of Pureblood descent who were more than obvious about which side of the war they would choose to be on once the year was up. But if these tasks were to be performed in the way they were asked of him, Severus could not afford to draw the attention of the school staff. It would do him no good to land in trouble with Dumbledore before he’d even graduated; it would be much more useful for him to remain undetected as a Death Eater, have people questioning where his loyalties lie. Potter and Black would have to wait. Not to mention it was clear that the Dark Lord and his followers would be much more pleased with him choosing to attack a Muggleborn. The blood traitors could still be of some use to them if they would agree to convert. While many of his fellow recruits remained faithful that many blood traitors would switch sides, Severus had to admit to himself that he could never see Potter joining Lord Voldemort’s ranks.

“Well? Tell me what happened!” Regulus sat in the armchair to Severus’s left, eyes wide with curiosity. “Have they asked you to do something?”

“Keep your voice down,” Severus hissed. “How do you even know about the tasks, anyway?”

“I didn’t for sure,” Regulus said smugly, “but you just confirmed it for me. Also, I heard Yaxley bragging to Travers in the loo about his task two weeks ago.”

“You’d do well to keep your nose out of business that isn’t yours, Regulus. But if you’re so eager, you should talk to Lucius. I know your mother would be happy to hear you that you are finally taking a definite step to joining the cause.”

Regulus only flinched slightly at the mention of his mother, but was still obviously bothered by it despite his best efforts to conceal it.

“I thought I told you that I’d prefer we keep my family out of all this business.”

“And I thought you only meant that in regards to your blood traitor brother.”

Regulus more visibly flinched this time.

“You do need to take that step, Regulus. You have to know that they’re watching you, his followers. They watch your brother and see how he’s affiliated, how he’s abandoned generations of your family, and they wonder if you wish to follow in his footsteps.”

“I am nothing like him.”

Severus nodded.

“You and I know this. But they do not. My word will only take you so far.”

Regulus was silent for a moment. He nodded slowly.

“Can you get me in contact with Lucius?”

“I will talk to Rodolphus. See which is the best way for you to proceed, if you’d like.”

“I do.” Regulus said firmly. “I’m ready. Let me know what he says.”

Severus supposed he should feel some stirrings of guilt at goading a 16 year old into a war that he most likely would never survive at such a young age. But as Regulus rose from the chair and began his departure from the common room, all Severus could feel was that he had just gotten a head start on what would most likely be one of his upcoming tasks: recruitment.

* * *

“I’m not finding her paperwork here,” the nurse behind the glass told Remus. “Could there be another name she was admitted under?”

Remus didn’t much like hospitals. After his first transformations as a child, he had spent rather a lot of time in them. His father, Lyall, had refused to bring him to St. Mungo’s or any other wizarding hospital. Although Remus did not understand it at the time, he knew now; his father had not wanted to subject his son to the ridicule and mistreatment experienced by those infected with lycanthropy – whereas Healers would recognize the signs immediately, Muggle doctors didn’t even know werewolves existed. The choice would’ve been an easy one for his father to make. But the injuries of such a violent transformation from man to wolf on a child of such a young age – Remus remembered them well enough, despite the haze of pain surrounding the memories – to know that if he hadn’t been part wolf, they probably would have handicapped him.

Normal human children did not suffer the way he had and come out the other end without permanent damage.

The bright lights, the smell of antiseptic and the constant buzz of noise that came with non-stop patient and staff movement brought back unpleasant memories that immediately made him uncomfortable. He wanted to see his mother, though, make sure she was all right – and for that, he would endure.

“No, it should be… Hope Lupin. Are you sure you don’t have anything? I was told that she would be here.” Remus scratched the back of his head nervously, a sense of dread slowly pooling into his stomach. Something wasn’t right. He let his hand fall back to his side, and he could see the look of pity enter the nurse’s eyes at his next words. “She has pneumonia. From what I understand, it’s… well, it’s not likely she checked herself out.”

The nurse looked puzzled at the predicament, her forehead creasing.

“What was the full name again? Perhaps her file just got misplaced during the shift change this morning. I’ll go check in the back, see what room she should be in for you.”

“Hope Marie Lupin.” Even to his own ears, Remus’ voice was beginning to sound desperate. The nurse got up from her chair.

“Have a seat if you like, Mr. Lupin. It may take me a few minutes to locate the file.”

Remus sighed and walked over to one of the many empty seats in the lobby. It was vacant, except for himself – he supposed not many people took to visiting the hospital on a Sunday afternoon. He rubbed his chest lightly, but it did nothing to soothe the anxiety brewing there. He wanted it to be simple discomfort, a hatred of hospitals due to the amount of time he’d spent in them as a child. But he knew that wasn’t the case. Something was wrong, he could feel it. He’d been to this hospital before. There had never been this sort of problem, this sort of mix-up – no nurses having a hard time locating a patient’s room number. The dread in his stomach was weighing him down like a block of lead. It was hard to breath, move, _think_ without being aware of it. When a doctor emerged from behind the door, an elderly man with gray hair and a grim look on his face, Remus knew he could trust his gut. _Something was wrong_.

“Mr. Lupin,” the doctor stuck out his hand for Remus to shake. “I’m Dr. Hodgson.” Remus shook the extended hand warily.

“Remus.”

“You’re Hope’s son?”

“Yes.”

Dr. Hodgson raised the same hand Remus shook to his forehead, rubbing out some invisible tension there.

“Remus… if I may call you that,” he paused, and Remus nodded his assent. “I have to admit my confusion with the situation, as your father – well, I assume he is your father, I see some resemblance – was here nearly every minute your mother was. I—”

“ _Was_ here?” Remus interrupted.

“Yes, that’s what I was just getting to. You see, I terribly regret to be the one to inform you, but… Mrs. Hope passed away nearly two weeks ago. She was under my care primarily during her stay here. I followed her case closely. I was here when she passed.”

The doctor may have continued to speak, but Remus couldn’t hear over the sudden ringing in his ears.

Two weeks? His mother had been dead for two weeks, and he’d had no idea? He’d been sitting in Charms, or eating in the Great Hall with his mates, or sleeping peacefully in his dorm and… his mother had died. She’d died, and he hadn’t even known she was _ill_. She’d died, and he hadn’t been here, and… had she been alone? Had she already been buried? Where was his father during all of this? Where was…

His father.

And suddenly, where moments ago there had been an all-consuming sorrow, there was a white-hot, burning _rage_ , one that Remus had never experienced outside of his monthly transformations. In a move that was completely out of character for him (in fact, more characteristic of James or Sirius), he rose to his feet and flung the chair he’d been sitting on with all his strength so that it flew across the lobby, nearly taking out Dr. Hodgson. The doctor yelped.

“Mr. Lupin! Please!”

“Don’t call me that,” Remus snarled. For the first time in his life, Remus longed for his werewolf form, so that he could tear apart everything – _anything._

“I understand that you must be feeling lost, confused,” the doctor approached Remus calmly, no doubt also trying to make sense of the situation. “I admit to being rather confused, myself. Before you do anymore damage here, I would suggest you speak to Mr. Lyall. He was here before, after. It seems like he might have the answers you’re looking for.”

Remus’s fists clenched, and he breathed through his nose. Slowly, in and out.

“I’m sorry,” he gritted out. “For the chair.”

“It’s quite alright,” replied Dr. Hodgson. “Believe me when I say you are far from the first or the last to cause damage to this room. I wish I could help you more, but all I can offer is to answer any questions you might have about Mrs. Hope’s condition.”

This hadn’t occurred to Remus in the fog of his rage, but he found that he did have some questions for the doctor. He needed to get the information he wanted about his mother’s illness here, clearly. It was becoming increasingly apparent that his father did not see fit to include him on the details of anything concerning his mother.

_Not even details_ , thought Remus bitterly. _Pertinent information like, I don’t know, death._

“It _was_ pneumonia, right?”

“Well… yes, the disease that took Hope’s life eventually was pneumonia. We placed her on heavy doses of antibiotics, but… I don’t want to lie to you, Remus. Antibiotics are not of much help to those with such susceptibility to bacterial pneumonia.” The pained tone tainting every word of the doctor’s statement piqued Remus’ curiosity.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t follow. I don’t understand much about the medical field.”

“Do you know what the term immunodeficiency means?”

Remus shook his head and Dr. Hodgson sighed wearily.

“It’s when the immune system fails to protect the body from infection. In your mother’s case, it was quite clear from the damage to her liver that it was caused by alcohol abuse. Physicians are finding it more and more common that those suffering with alcoholism have an increased death rate due to infectious diseases like pneumonia. Their bodies simply can’t fight it off.”

Remus’ chest squeezed at the words. Of course, he knew… he knew that his mother was too partial to drink. As to be expected, it had begun not long after Remus’ first transformation. Not only did she have to see her only son subjected to immense amounts of pain and unjust discrimination, but she also had to watch her husband drive himself mad with the guilt that he had incited Fenrir Greyback’s assault on their son. Remus hadn’t really, truly noticed _how_ partial she was to her Irish whiskey until he was older, had been away at Hogwarts for the year and would come back and see the signs. The nights he would find her awake at all hours, unable to sleep deeply enough to get actual rest. The tremors in her hands when she didn’t spike her morning tea. He’d never said anything to her about it, never stopped her because – well, who was he to judge how she dealt with the pain of what his condition had done to their family? And it hadn’t ever seemed to affect her _really_ , but… now, Remus supposed it _had_ been affecting her the whole time. He just didn’t know what to look for. It didn’t seem damaging because she wasn’t a mean drunk, always gentle and kind. With a name like Hope, it was hard not to be.

“I… I have to go.” Remus said weakly. His abrupt exit did not seem to faze Dr. Hodgson, but at the last moment before he exited he heard his mother’s voice in his head: _Manners, Remus._ “Thank you, Dr. Hodgson. For telling me the truth.”

“Of course.”

As Remus left the hospital behind him, he was met with Professor Dumbledore’s graceful form just outside. Remus had forgotten entirely that he was there. He figured the Headmaster must have put some sort of Disillusionment charm on himself; the Muggles passing by on the street seemed to take no notice of his strange, out-of-place attire. The anger that had barely gone from a boil to a simmer re-ignited once again at the sight of him.

“Did you know?” Remus demanded. At the puzzled look on the older man’s face, Remus knew that his suspicion was unfounded.

“Know?” Dumbledore inquired simply. Remus deflated.

“My mum, she’s…” he trailed off. From the way Dumbledore’s face morphed from puzzled to downfallen, he knew he did not need to continue.

“Remus, know that I – I would not have brought you here had I known.” It was strange, to hear Hogwarts’ wise Headmaster sound so unsure, so unsteady. “How long ago?”

Remus tried with all of his might to hold them back, but angry tears came to his eyes anyway. A sob got stuck in his throat as he tried to stop it from escaping, trying his best to keep himself composed in front of Dumbledore.

“Two weeks,” he said miserably. “Two bloody weeks! How… where is she buried? How did you even find out she was ill? _Where is my dad_?” He could not find it in himself to be amazed at having put such an astounded look on the Headmaster’s face, due to the circumstances that had put it there. His sole purpose in that moment was holding back his tears, and harboring a sick, consuming anger at Lyall Lupin.

“Your father, I only just exchanged letters with him… I don’t have the answers to the rest of your questions now, Remus,” Dumbledore answered quietly. “But rest assured, I will get to the bottom of this.”

With nothing else to say to one another, Dumbledore’s face a grim mask and Remus somehow shaking with simultaneous feelings of rage and sorrow, they Disapparated back to the castle.

* * *

James found as the semester had worn on that he’d been spending more time in the library than he ever had in his entire Hogwarts career – and that was saying something. While many of their fellow students may have found it hard to believe, the self-proclaimed Marauders spent an inordinate amount of time researching in the library. It was how they had made the Map, how they’d become Animagi, how they’d pulled off every elaborate prank. These things did not just come naturally to them; they had to be researched, studied before they could be pulled off. Magic was not something any of them took lightly. And while James and Sirius skived off their fair share of classes, particularly in their early years at school, he was quite sure that neither of them had ever made anything below an Acceptable. Even Peter had a natural inclination for magical talent – James had never seen anyone cast a better blasting curse than he did.

James chose to sit in the library to blow off time before the Prefects’ meeting, mostly as a last resort. Sirius was nowhere to be found; off snogging some girl in one of Hogwarts’ many broom cupboards, no doubt. Remus was visiting his mum at the hospital, and Peter was so far behind on the Transfiguration essay that was due on Tuesday that James didn’t have the heart to distract him from it. And Amelia… well, he and Amelia hadn’t spoken in days, now that he thought about it.

Her brother, Edgar Bones, was an Auror. He’d been pivotal in the fight against Voldemort’s rising army, or so the Auror’s Office liked to claim to The Daily Prophet. Last week, on the front page of the very same paper, was a list of Aurors whom had died in one of many fights against Death Eaters. It was alphabetical by last name, and Edgar was first on the list. It wasn’t until that moment, halfway through breakfast, that James noticed Amelia was nowhere to be found in the Great Hall. She’d gone to be with her family for the funeral, her friend Kingsley had told him. He stopped in the Owlery on the way to class and wrote her a letter, giving her his best, but knowing it didn’t mean much.

With every passing day, it seemed that people lost more friends and family to the war outside the castle’s walls. And there wasn’t a bleeding thing James could do about it, being inside those walls.

Amelia hadn’t been back since, but she replied to his letter. She’d be coming back, she said. Her family just needed some time together before she could separate from them again. He understood.

James realized that he’d been reading the same line in his Ancient Runes textbook for the past five minutes and sighed out his nose in frustration. He supposed he could go flying. Quidditch always did the trick, got his mind off of things. Not that he needed distraction, as it was obvious he was already distracted. But he knew he was past the point of being able to focus on any type of schoolwork, so fly he would. He was packing his books into his bag when he heard loud whispers from the aisle over from where he stood.

_Risky, that. If Madame Pince hears them whispering that loud in the annex, she’ll have their heads._

James shoved the strap of his bag onto his shoulder, prepared to leave, when he caught the tail end of the whispered conversation.

“… and Snape’s just spoken with Rodolphus the other night.”

It was Yaxley. James recognized the git’s voice anywhere – it sounded like scraping a wire brush over gravel. James couldn’t help but gently place his bag back down onto the table where he had been studying and lean in close to the bookshelf separating him from the conversation on the other side.

“You think Snape’ll actually be able to go through with any of this?” _Travers_ , James identified.

“What are you on about? The bloke knows more hexes and curses than anyone in our year – the school, probably. I heard he’s even _invented_ some on his own. You don’t wanna be on the other end of his wand, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, but…” Travers stopped for a moment. “You know he was best friends with that _Mudblood_ Gryffindor, Evans.” James could feel his blood pressure rising at the mention of Lily, but stayed quiet, determined to get the most out of this eavesdropping experience.

“So what?” replied Yaxley. “That’s over now. After fifth year, haven’t seen them speak two words to each other. Not to mention she’s all cozied up to Potter, now. And you know Snape hates him more than anyone. Reckon that little scene by the lake with the three of them and Potter’s mates is what made him want to join in the first place. Get some revenge, get rid of the _scum_ blood traitors and Mudblood. Don’t see why he’d want otherwise.”

“What ‘scene by the lake’?” Yaxley sighed in annoyance.

“Look, it doesn’t matter. Nobody loves the Dark Arts more than Severus. I’d’ve been surprised if he _hadn’t_ been up for the challenge.”

_What challenge?_ James wondered. _Dark Arts-involved, obviously. There’s only one Rodolphus I know of, and it’s Rodolphus Lestrange. And he’s…_

A known Death Eater, is what he was. If Snape was talking to him, taking up some sort of challenge he presented, then there was really only one explanation: Severus Snape was on his way to becoming a Death Eater, if he wasn’t one already. While James wasn’t surprised, exactly, it was still… shocking. To know someone his age was joining the wrong side of the war. Especially when, James thought, that Snape was still totally in love with Lily. Or enamored by her, at least. Yaxley and Travers continued to talk, but James didn’t hear any of it. He was lost in his thoughts until a hand crept onto his shoulder and his heart nearly jumped straight out of his chest from the shock of it.

“ _Merlin, fuck!_ ” he gasped, his hand automatically going to his chest to calm his breathing. When he turned, Lily stood behind him, a sneaky grin on her face and giggling quiet enough that it wouldn’t disturb Madame Pince (or Yaxley and Travers, James thought grimly). “Give a bloke some warning, Evans! You nearly killed me just then.”

“Just keeping you on your toes,” she whispered innocently. “What are you doing just standing here staring at the bookcase, anyway? You look like you belong in the loony ward at St. Mungo’s.”

“Er…” James, who considered himself a master of excuses, found he couldn’t provide one. The combined effect of the newfound information about Snape and Lily scaring him half to death had done a number on his capability to lie on the spot. “Y’know. I wasn’t doing anything. Just lost track of my thoughts.” _Good one, mate._

The voice in James’ head sounded suspiciously like Sirius.

“Right,” Lily said in a tone that clearly belied that she did not believe him. “Listen, Emmeline is out with the flu this week, so we’ll have to remake the patrol schedules. Normally I’d just have the two of us fill in her spots, but I know there’s the match against Hufflepuff this week and I thought that maybe with your two-practices-a-day schedule you might not be able to handle it and still function normally.”

James looked at her in surprise.

“How did you know I’ve been holding to practices a day?”

“James, we live in the same dorm. I notice when you are and are not there, you know. Particularly when you leave wearing your Quidditch robes.”

A flush rose on Lily’s cheeks as the last words left her mouth, and James couldn’t help but stare as it spread further down her neck, down…

And then registered what the blush meant.

“Fancy a man in uniform, do you, Evans?”

“No!” She answered too quickly. “I mean… no!” She punched his arm. “Twat.”

“No need to result to foul language and violence, Head Girl,” James scolded mockingly. “Dumbledore would be very disappointed in you.”

“Just come make the bloody schedules with me, alright? After the meeting you can go back to staring at your beloved bookcase.”

Just like that, what James had heard behind said bookcase came flooding back to him. He picked up his book bag, for good this time, and turned back to Lily.

“Let’s go. Merlin forbid the meeting start without the patrol schedules being done.” His tone was still playful, but he felt like someone had cast a weather-modifying charm over his head and a dark cloud was now following him. If Lily noticed his discomfort, she didn’t mention it. James tried to push all thoughts of Severus Snape being a Death Eater to the back of his mind.

_For now._

* * *

Sirius knew that out of the four of his friends, he enjoyed his nights spent in Animagus form the most. His mind became calm and clear, finding it easier to control his emotions – probably due to the fact that dogs did not quite have the same emotional range as humans. But it was freeing, running around without restraint. Well, not _totally_ without restraint; he, James and Peter had to make sure Remus didn’t make it onto the school grounds or into the village.

There were some nights that were harder than others, of course. For the most part, Remus’s wolf form seemed to recognize their animagus forms as friends, but there were many full moons when the wolf was just out for blood, and no ragtag group of animals could stop it from getting it. They stopped it from hunting and hurting people in Hogsmeade and Hogwarts, obviously; but they couldn’t exactly stop it from damaging _them_. The werewolf saw only other animals, threats. The title of _friend_ meant nothing to a werewolf. There were no years of memories in its mind to hold it back from violence against Remus’s friends. Feelings simply did not exist for it – not the way it did for the three of them once they transformed. Remus had no modicum of control.

Tonight, it seemed, would be one of those nights.

Sirius was hardly surprised. Remus had been detached in his _human_ form as of late. The death of his mother had affected him deeply, and in the month that had transpired since Remus had learned of her passing, it was almost like he had stopped living, himself. He barely ate, barely slept; and while this wasn’t something that was particularly out of character for Remus, it was now happening to an extent that his friends worried they would soon have to intervene for the sake of his well-being. While Remus once found joy in (Sirius shuddered to think of it) his schoolwork and duties as Prefect, it was as though those things hardly mattered to him anymore. Sirius had expected some depression and sorrow from his best mate following his mother’s death, but he had not expected the way he was downright _lifeless_. James and Peter hadn’t expected it, either. None of them knew how to approach the situation, how to relieve their friend of at least a small bit of the emotional burden he was clearly carrying.

He figured it had more to do with the fact that Remus had heard nothing from his father since her death. Of course, Remus had reached out, sent letters begging for answers as to why Lyall would not tell anyone about his wife’s death, but to no avail. Professor Dumbledore was doing his part as well – how exactly Dumbledore got his information, Sirius didn’t know, but he figured the older man was probably doing as best he could. He was the type of person to go out of his way to help others seek the truth. But even he had come up short so far. Wherever Remus’s father was, it appeared that he would not be contacted or return contact until he was ready. Until then, they would just have to wait.

They found his mother’s burial site, at least. According to the owner of the plot where several members of the Lupin family were buried, Lyall had laid his wife to rest the day after she died. There had been no service, not a soul at her burial, except for him. It was somewhat of a comfort for Remus to know that she had been taken care of, though. Sirius could tell it soothed him to know there was a place where he could visit her, if he wished.

Sirius didn’t quite know what to make of it all. It was strange, certainly. It had never been a secret that Lyall Lupin carried more guilt than half the people in England could bear, however; Sirius suspected that the entire situation came back to that same guilt he carried for what had happened to his son. It was no stretch to believe that he would feel responsible for the alcoholism that led to his wife’s premature death. That was, perhaps, what worried Sirius more than anything – the direct correlation between Remus’ condition and his mum’s abuse of drink. No doubt Remus felt responsible for Hope’s death, too. Like father, like son, he supposed.

So tonight, Sirius wasn’t surprised that Remus had nearly mauled all of them after his transformation. As soon as the werewolf had stopped panting from the strain of shifting bones and ripping skin, it turned its sights on James’s stag form; it wasn’t uncommon for this to occur, as the stag was the largest and typically most intimidating animal out of the three. With a rumbling growl and its pupils reducing to black slits, the werewolf leapt at James, its jaws bared and ready for a fresh kill. They had been expecting this – in fact, the three of them had discussed it out of Remus’s earshot before they went down to the Whomping Willow that evening.

_“Something tells me it’s going to be a rough night,” said James._

_“Whatever gave you that idea, mate?” Sirius replied cheekily. Peter looked at him, a disapproving frown marring his features._

_“James is right,” he agreed. “Remus has been awful the whole month. It’s bound to carry over tonight. We should be ready for the worst.”_

_“What can we do but what we always do?” Sirius asked. “There’s nothing… the werewolf doesn’t recognize us. Even as much as we like to believe it does, sometimes. Just keep on your toes.”_

_“We need to be sure he doesn’t hurt himself,” James clarified._

_“We need to worry about ourselves, first.” James looked slightly miffed at that comment and opened his mouth to say something else, but Peter held out his hand to stop the impending argument._

_“Sirius is right too, Prongs,” he interjected. “We can try to make sure that Remus doesn’t hurt himself. But not at the risk of our own safety. Remus would never forgive himself if something happened to one of us. Do you not remember the third time we went out there with him?” James and Sirius were silent, and Peter continued. “Well, I do. Padfoot was half-dead and Moony nearly stopped being friends with us altogether. We need to be extra careful, be on our guard.”_

And so they were. The second the wolf lunged at Prongs, his antlers rushed forward to hold its jaws at bay.

The rest of the night passed in a similar fashion; Remus’ werewolf form punishing them relentlessly to the point of exhaustion. By the early hours of the morning, their movements were past sluggish, and it finally seemed as though the werewolf had worn itself out. It curled up in a corner of the shack, lying its head down on top of crossed paws. Padfoot sighed in relief, and Prongs looked at him and nodded his antlers towards the stairs that led back to the Hogwarts grounds. Wormtail took the hint and scurried off, ready to push the knot on the Whomping Willow to let the larger animals back to the castle without harm.

As soon as Padfoot and Prongs moved towards the stairs, the wolf startled and looked at them. The look in its eyes screamed _RUN_.

Prongs and Padfoot took off at a sprint towards the stairs, so quickly it was a miracle they didn’t just tumble down the stairs in a collective heap. They reached the tunnel with a bit of a head start, managing to throw themselves into the darkness and transform back into their human selves. Sirius barricaded the door shut behind them.

James was still on the ground, grasping his right shoulder and groaning loudly.

“What is it?”

“My sodding shoulder, _fuck it_.” He hissed as Sirius maneuvered his arm to see under his shirtsleeve and examine the shoulder. “Tell me I didn’t just break my shoulder at the end of the night, because of my own body weight falling on it, instead of doing something heroic like fighting a werewolf.”

“Not broken,” Sirius diagnosed. “But that doesn’t look pretty, mate.”

James looked down at his shoulder and saw an angle sticking out of his skin where there normally wasn’t one. “Dislocated?”

“How does it feel?”

Now that James was past the initial blinding pain, the rest of his arm was starting to feel numb. “Numb.”

“Definitely dislocated,” Sirius confirmed.

“ _Fuck_ me.”

“I’ll pass on that tonight.”

James swatted at Sirius’ smirk with his good arm. “Fuck _you_.”

“Come on,” he said as helped James to his feet. “Let’s get you to the hospital wing. You can wait for Remus while you get yourself all fixed up.”

They made they trek across the grounds in companionable silence. Once they got inside the castle, a thought struck James.

“We shouldn’t go to the hospital wing together. It’s suspicious if we’re both there the same night as the full moon, barely an hour before the sun comes up.”

“How is it any different than you going alone?”

“I’m Head Boy. I can say… I thought I heard a disturbance on our floor and in my tired state fell down a staircase.” Sirius raised an eyebrow skeptically. James sighed. “I don’t know, I’ll think of something official-sounding. You being there will just raise more questions.”

“Whatever you say, mate. You are _Head Boy_ after all.”

“Sod off, will you? I’m trying to save _you_ and all of us the trouble of answering questions we don’t want to answer.” Sirius sighed in resignation.

“Fine. But give me a shout in the mirror when you get there, alright?”

“Alright.”

James had barely made it up the staircase from the ground floor to the first when his journey was interrupted. He was just outside the Muggle Studies classroom when the sound of footsteps shuffled behind him.

“What a surprise that you’d be out at this time on _this_ particular day of the month.”

The voice made James jump and turn around so quickly he nearly gave himself whiplash. Severus Snape stood a few feet away, smirking. James’ wand was grasped tightly in his left hand – his right hand was his dominant one, but the pain of his shoulder and numbness of his arm made him unable to hold his wand in it. He didn’t like that he was already at a disadvantage.

It was never a good thing to be at a disadvantage with Severus Snape.

“Why are _you_ out at this time, Snape?” Even to his own ears, James sounded exhausted.

“That isn’t any of your business, Potter.”

“It is my business, actually, because I’m Head Boy. In case you forgot.” James was so tired, and his shoulder was throbbing – which James found strange as the rest of his arm was becoming number by the second – and he really, _really_ did not want to deal with Snape’s shit tonight. He had completely forgotten the conversation he’d overheard between Yaxley and Travers until Severus spoke again.

“No, unfortunately, it’s been impossible to forget with the way you parade the badge all about the castle. But the badge won’t save you once you’re out of Hogwarts, will it?” Snape laughed when James opened his mouth to respond, but winced and brought his hand to his shoulder. “What’s the matter? Wolf got your tongue?”

“How could you do it?” James asked, honestly curious. Severus reared back slightly at James’ tone.

“Do what?” he shot back.

“Join them.” Severus’ eyes narrowed at the direct accusation. “You love her. I know you do. As much as I hate you, I know you love her. How could you do it?”

“Do _not_ speak to me as if you know me,” Severus replied in a quiet growl.

“You do know what they’ll do to her, right? If they catch her?”

“ _Don’t_ ,” Snape warned.

“They’ll kill her. But that’s only the merciful bit at the end, right? First comes the torture, and I’m sure it’s more than just the Cruciatus for the women—”

“Shut your mouth, Potter.”

“I just want to know your reasoning. I know you’ve joined the Death Eaters, Snape. You can deny it if you want, but I know the truth. I’ve heard things. And I’m just honestly curious how, knowing what they do to Muggleborns, you could join them. Lily—”

“You know _nothing_ of Lily Evans, Potter,” Severus interrupted. “You think you know things, because you’ve had a years-long obsession with her, but you know _nothing_. Stop pretending as though you speak for her now.”

“I know her better than you think,” James replied. “I know her well enough to know that even though you’re not speaking, she still wouldn’t want you to turn to join them.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to _you_ , of all people.”

“ _You_ started this conversation with _me_!” James was so incredulous, and slightly delirious out of pain and exhaustion, that laughter slipped out of him. “What’s your first ‘task’ then, eh?”

Snape paled at those words. James knew better than to keep pushing him, but he went against his best interests and did it anyway.

“Wow,” James laughed again, an ugly, bitter sound. “I thought maybe it wasn’t true, at first. But obviously it is.”

“Don’t speak further if you want to keep all your limbs intact.”

“What is it then, torturing children? Raping and pillaging?”

“ _Potter_.”

“You’re a coward,” James sneered. “Taking the easy way out just because Lily is done with you.”

James watched as Severus drew his wand, dread pooling in him when he realized he would not be able to defend himself, not with the condition he was in. Before he could even bring up his left hand to cast a shield charm, the words were out of Snape’s mouth.

“ _Sectumsempra!_ ”

Then all he knew was pain.

And blood.

* * *

Sirius took the stairs two and four at a time, bounding down to the first floor as fast as humanly possible. He was actually tempted to transform into Padfoot in order to move more quickly, but decided against it in case he was seen mid-transformation. Now more than ever during his time at Hogwarts, he wished that apparition was possible inside the castle’s walls.

He had been keeping an eye on the map to make sure that James got to the Hospital Wing without any hassle and immediately became nervous upon seeing him meet with Snape once he had made it up the first staircase. As soon as he spied Snape’s footprints on the map move away from James’, he was paranoid – downright terrified when James did not appear to move an inch for almost a full minute after Severus’ departure. Something wasn’t right. Snape might’ve stunned James, or knocked him out. He knew he should’ve just gone down to meet James when Snape first appeared, trusted his gut instinct. In all honesty, he thought James could take Snape on his own, no problem.

_Idiot. He has a dislocated shoulder – on his wand arm, no less. Snape is a clever git. Probably caught James off guard._

When Sirius finally arrived, chest heaving from sprinting six floors down, he took out the map. His pulse spiked when he saw that it looked like James had barely moved since Sirius left the dorm. He sprinted to the spot, stopping when he saw James’ body lying not three feet away from the Muggle Studies classroom.

“I’m here, Prongs, don’t worry,” Sirius started, planning on making a joke about saving James’ arse a night of sleeping on the floor to ease both James’ discomfort and his own. He stopped abruptly when James made a choking sound, nearly tripping over his own feet. He was still, fear freezing him until the noise came again and he sprinted back into action. As he got to James’ side, his foot slipped. He looked down.

Blood. So much blood. A pool of the dark red had collected at James’ side – and was still pouring out with no intentions of slowing down, by the looks of things. James’ face was a sickly pale shade and his eyes were still open, but barely. Sirius realized at that moment that his best friend was actually _dying_.

He swallowed hard against the acid of bile rising in his throat, the coppery smell of blood pervading his senses and making it hard to concentrate. His brain couldn’t settle on which course of action to take for a few long seconds, panic clouding his thoughts. Slamming to his knees, he pressed his hand to where he thought the blood was coming from.

“I don’t know any healing spells,” he told James weakly, hating the way his voice shook when he spoke. “What do I do?”

“I’ll…” James broke off, taking a breath like it was the hardest thing he’d ever done, before continuing. “I’ll hold my hand on it. You levitate me to the Hospital Wing.”

“Are you sure you’ll be able to do that?” Sirius didn’t trust James to have enough strength to hold pressure on the wound. James took another laboring breath.

“Only way,” he told Sirius with a tone of finality. “I know…” another breath. “Healing spell. Didn’t work.”

“ _Levicorpus!_ ” Sirius held his wand high, determined to be as steady as possible despite how badly he could see his hand shaking. _James. Dying_. “How are you calmer than me right now?”

James managed a tiny smile, but it just seemed twisted and morbid to Sirius, when there were red stains on his skin up to his neck.

As Sirius led them through the doors of the Hospital Wing, James passed out.

* * *

Lily was worried. She had tried to go to sleep around 11 after she had finished her homework, but found herself lying in her bed staring at the full moon outside her window instead. After about an hour of the luminous orb burning a hole into her retinas, she gave up on sleep and decided to wait for James to come back in from… wherever they were.

She still wasn’t sure exactly how James and the other boys helped Remus during his transformations, and it scared her. Werewolves were dangerous. She knew that Remus was cautious, and the other three were clever enough to protect themselves, but – sometimes, cleverness can only get you so far. And now that she knew James was out there with him, anxiety clawed at her insides one night out of the month. She had found herself tracking the date of the full moon; certainly more than she ever had since she had found out Remus was a werewolf over a year before.

Lily must have dozed off sometime in the midst of her thoughts, because she jumped when Remus burst through the door of the Heads’ common room. The sun had just risen outside, and the warm light of a new day shone onto the young man’s face. He looked ragged, which was to be expected after his transformation – but it was not the reason Lily became uneasy. Her stomach dropped when she saw the expression on his face. There was only one reason Remus would come here to find her, not even an hour after his transformation back into a human.

“What is it?”

“It’s James,” he said, voice solemn. “We should go to the Hospital Wing. Now.”

Lily jumped off the loveseat, stopping to pick up a jumper and a pair of shoes. Her heart was beating so fast she could heart it pumping in her ears.

“What happened?” she asked Remus as they moved quickly out into the corridor, worry eating her alive. He practically dragged her behind him as they ran.

“I don’t know, exactly. I came back after the transformation and it had already happened. It’s bad. Sirius…” he paused as a staircase moved before them, and his eyes fluttered closed in horror. “There was blood…”

“Blood?!” Panic seized her chest, worse than before. Remus pulled her into action again, both of them too lost in their thoughts to talk again the rest of the way down to the Hospital Wing. When they finally arrived, Peter was standing outside the closed doors, his face pale.

“I can’t…” Peter was notoriously squeamish, and he looked as though he might be sick at any moment. “They’re waiting for Healers from St. Mungo’s to get here.”

“Oh, God,” Lily breathed, pushing past both of the boys to get through the doors. Normally at such a loud entrance Madame Pomfrey would fuss, but it was clear all of her concentration was on James. He was spewing profanities, but not in his typical joking cadence; his deep voice was raspy, laced with agony. Professor Dumbledore and Sirius stood by, faces ashen. They turned to her at her entry, but James did not even glance in her direction. His eyes were screwed shut.

Sirius turned back to James when he groaned through clenched teeth.

“Can’t you give him something to numb this, at least, if you won’t give him a sleeping drought? This is medieval!” Sirius spat angrily, obviously discontent to just stand by while his best friend was in pain.

“I did,” Pomfrey snapped. “The spell appears to counteract its effects, or the pain needs a more concentrated dose. The Healers from St. Mungo’s will bring some. Trying to brew some here and now will only waste time better spent on trying to close the wound.”

James’ face was contorted in pain, and Lily gasped as she saw why – Madame Pomfrey was stitching an enormous gash on James’ chest, the old-fashioned Muggle way; from the sounds of the previous conversation, without any type of pain relief on James’ part. Her eyes stung, tears gathering in them unexpectedly. Dumbledore moved toward her after hearing her sharp inhale.

“What happened?” Lily demanded as he led her gently by the arm further away from the scene on the bed. Her eyes were still glued to James as Pomfrey continued to stitch him back together.

“It appears that Mr. Potter was attacked while on patrol this morning,” Dumbledore replied quietly. “However, Mr. Black says that’s the only thing he knows. He was the one who found Mr. Potter alone in the corridor.”

Lily’s eyes moved from James to Sirius, whose gaze had not strayed from James’ form even for a second. His jaw was clenched tightly in what Lily couldn’t decipher as anger, nausea or fear – she would place her bet on all three.

“Nothing at all?” Lily was suspicious. James, Sirius and Peter would have been together just moments before he was attacked – even Remus had only just come in from his transformation. “Sir – ”

“I’m aware of which moon phase occurred tonight, Miss Evans,” Dumbledore spoke quietly, as though he may not want the rest of the room’s occupants to hear. “The wound is clearly not werewolf inflicted. Remus will not be implicated in this in any way.”

Lily paused before beginning to think of a response, wondering how Dumbledore would have known that she knew of Remus’ condition at all. It was downright eerie the way the man seemed to know everything of everyone in the castle.

“That actually – ” she stopped before finishing her statement. She wasn’t sure if Dumbledore knew what the boys got up to with Remus, so she let the question die in her throat. “Good. That’s good. But…” Lily looked over to James once more. “You said this wasn’t werewolf inflicted. And neither you nor Madame Pomfrey can heal this. Is he going to be alright?” She could feel the panic rising in her chest once again.

“The Healers from St. Mungo’s have specialists for this sort of thing,” Dumbledore assured her. “They have people trained in identifying healing spells and countercurses for hexes that cause injuries such as James’.” He placed a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “I’m sure he will be fine.”

“The stitches won’t hold for too much longer,” Madame Pomfrey interrupted, and Dumbledore went to join her at James’ bedside. “The first ones are already dissolving.”

“A team from St. Mungo’s should be here any minute now,” Dumbledore responded.

“Couldn’t we just Apparate me there?” James finally spoke. “I’m not warming up to the idea of bleeding out on this bed.”

“I already told you, Potter, it would be too dangerous in your condition,” Madame Pomfrey explained.

“It’s also dangerous to let him die!” Sirius shouted, outraged.

“Lower your voice if you want to stay in here, Mr. Black!”

“No one is dying tonight,” Dumbledore said with finality. The familiar noise following a wizard or witch’s Apparition followed his statement. Non-medical personnel stepped back, and the Healers got to work on James.

* * *

When James woke up, he barely moved and yet felt the soreness of lingering pain all throughout his body. He groaned, turning his head into the pillow and hoping to block out the beginning of what was sure to be a painful recovery. He peeled his eyes open (not without effort) and found that, naturally, everything was blurry.

“Here you go, mate.” Sirius handed him his glasses of the bedside table, and the room came into focus. Sirius looked a mess. His hair was scraggly, as if his fingers had been run through it more than a dozen times. His clothes were wrinkled, and there were bags under his eyes that came with staying up a full 24 hours.

As James finished his survey of his best friend, his eyes caught another figure curled up on a chair next to Sirius. Lily was asleep, her chest rising and falling slowly. Despite her slumber, there were obvious bags under her eyes, as well. Sirius followed his gaze.

“You gave us a scare.” There was no joking in his tone – even though James internally cringed at using the pun, he didn’t think he had ever seen Sirius more… well, serious. “When I found you, I…” he trailed off.

“I was scared, too,” James admitted. “Probably more than you were.”

“Nah,” Sirius shook his head. “No one’s ever had the heart of a Gryffindor quite like you.”

James didn’t have an answer to that, so he just settled for staring at Lily while she continued to sleep.

“She was a right mess, as well,” Sirius informed him, jerking his head in Lily’s direction. “Thought Pomfrey would have to give _her_ a sedative after while.” He said it with a quiet fondness in his voice that made James curious as to what transpired between his two friends while he was in agonizing pain and/or passed out.

“Don’t know if that would’ve put her down,” James joked. Sirius barked out a laugh, but sobered up quickly. James steeled himself for the next part of the conversation.

“What the _hell_ happened?” Sirius hissed, glancing back at Lily to make sure she was still asleep before continuing. “I mean, I saw Snape, but – why exactly are we not telling Dumbledore we know exactly who did this to you?”

“Not here,” James looked pointedly at Lily. “ _Later_.”

Sirius nodded.

“Alright, but this better be good.”

“Good isn’t the word I would use,” James said, somber.

“Figures.” Sirius stood, bracing a hand down on James’ shoulder, lowering his forehead to his. “I don’t say it enough. But I love you like a brother. And I’ll kill you if you scare me like that again, but _damn it_ , I am so glad you’re okay.”

James’ throat got tight, and he suspected Sirius’ did too with the way he cleared his throat as he straightened back up again.

“I’ll do my best.” James blinked quickly. “And you know. I love you and all that bollocks.”

Sirius chuckled, moving towards Lily to wake her, but stopped to speak to James one last time.

“ _Vulnera Sanentur_.”

“Sorry?”

“ _Vulnera Sanentur_ ,” Sirius repeated. “It’s the healing spell for… whatever that git cast on you. Just thought it might be something we should know.”

James filed that away as he watched Sirius gently rile Lily from her sleep.

“He’s all yours, Red.” Lily blearily rubbed her eyes, but gasped and jumped from the chair when she saw James was awake. Sirius laughed. “There she is. I’ll just be going, then.”

Then it was just Lily and James.

Lily launched her arms around James’ neck, holding on so tightly that he yelped from the strain it put on his worn body.

“Lily, sore,” he managed to get out, and she backed off, but only slightly. He melted into her embrace when he felt wetness creep onto his nape. “It’s okay, I’m alright.” When he heard a sniffle, he began to rub his hand up and down her back in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

“I just – ” she pulled away from him, sitting on the edge of his cot and cupping her palms so that they covered her face. She sniffled loudly, moving her hands to her eyes as if putting enough pressure on them would stop the tears from escaping. James struggled to sit up, placing his hand on her back once more.

“Hey,” he began quietly. He used his free arm to tap the hands covering her face which – _ow, forgot that shoulder was recently dislocated_. “Why are you hiding?”

“I look ugly when I cry,” came the muffled response. James laughed, not just at the absurdity of her answer but also at the idea that Lily Evans could _ever_ look ugly. He was glad he did, because she let out a wet chuckle.

“Look at me.”

She reluctantly removed her fingers from her face, turning to him per his request. Her lip trembled when she met his eyes, and her hand moved to cover her eyes once more. James caught her arm before it could reach its destination.

“Hey,” James said again. “You don’t ever have to hide from me.”

“I’m not trying to,” Lily’s voice was hoarse from crying and disuse. “I just… I thought, when I came in and saw you like that – when Remus came to get me and didn’t explain…” she looked about to cry again, and James just couldn’t have that.

“Come here,” he took her arm, pulling her towards him. She curled up at his side, her head lying on his shoulder. “See? I’m alright.”

“You almost weren’t.”

James’ silence spoke for itself; they both knew it was true. If Sirius hadn’t found him when he had, he would’ve bled out right in front of the Muggle Studies classroom.

“I almost lost you.”

It was so quiet, James almost missed it. His heart clenched. It was beginning to come clear that maybe everyone else was right – Lily did have _some_ sort of feelings for him.

“There’s no getting rid of me that easy.”

Lily laughed quietly, and James was glad that it sounded like her tears were being chased away. It was his first time seeing Lily cry and even though he would never think Lily was ugly, he didn’t much like seeing her in tears. Happiness suited her far better.

“What happened?” she whispered into the junction between his neck and shoulder. He shook his head.

“Not now, Lily.” He rested his head atop hers. “For now, let’s just rest. We’ll worry about it all later.”

“But – ”

“No buts,” James cut her off. “If I know Madame Pomfrey, and I do know her quite well, she has prescribed me lots of rest. Tomorrow we can talk about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

Even though James’ body was sore and thoughts about Snape crept in the back of his mind, he felt content. Lily curled at his side, her arm gently around his waist, his arm around hers – there was not much else in this world he could ask for. He would take advantage of the affection, and sort out the rest in the days to come.

_Severus Snape can wait._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's been literally six months since I updated AGAIN. And that Marlene was not in this chapter at all. But this chapter was very Remus-James-Severus centered and I wanted to do that successfully. This chapter is actually the chapter that STARTED this story for me when I started writing it over a year ago. It's nice to finally have it all polished and published AND have an actual story built around it.

**Author's Note:**

> First lengthy Jily fic I've ever written. I may not update regularly, especially if I'm having writer's block. But know that this story is not abandoned and probably won't ever be, sometimes it just takes me a while to get the next chapter out.


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